I've tried to start this post a few times, and each time I restart I find myself thinking about all the different ways this semester has impacted me. Have a grown as a student? Yes, but it's more than that. Have I grown as an instructor and member of an instructor team? Again, I feel like the answer is still yes that's probably true. This semester was one of growth and still I feel like I have more to say about my experience because if I only highlight the good then I'm not being honest (with myself or others). With that being out there, I've decided the best way to wrap up posting is to reflect on my takeaways from this semester.
1. You find out really quick in grad school who you can rely on and who is going to make your life harder.
This was one of the harder things I had to face this semester, but I've made my peace with the fact that not everyone I thought I could rely actually made my life easier. I'm sure by this point I don't need to talk about how my living situation has caused me unimaginable stress, but I don't think I realized how bad things actually were until I went home for a weekend to visit my parents and started crying in the middle of their neighbor's party because someone asked if I was doing okay and liked my roommate/how the cat thing was working out (it's not better). I'm not saying I didn't know it was bad before, but that experience was an eye-opener and really clued me into how much unnecessary stress I was taking on. When it comes to dealing with this situation I've realized that I can't count on some of the people I thought I could, and that's okay.
There have been so many moments throughout the semester that have made me realize who is going to be there when I need them to be. I've had some friendships which have gotten so much stronger and developed new friendships that have so much more meaning than old friendships that haven't worked out. This recognition is important because I am so much more grateful to the people who have been looking out for me and helping me, even if it hasn't been realized.
2. Sometimes you have to say f*ck it and take to care of yourself first.
I didn't think about this enough when the semester started and now as the semester is ending I'm taking advantage of every possible moment that I have to take care of myself, or at least making attempts too. I waited a long time this semester to start taking care of my emotional well-being which is probably my biggest regret because I can literally see how my stress has effected me. My advice to any new TAs that may come across this post next year when they're looking for inspiration is to truly put yourself first- it's a hard skill to learn or relearn.
3. You have to be able to roll with whatever is thrown at you- sometimes it sucks but there are so many moments of true greatness.
I'm still working on it.
Generally, it sucked when I had to both groups in my one 1010 class redo the leadership and PR teams redo their Advocacy In Action presentations, because I had questioned whether or not I was giving clear directions. On the flip side of that one of the moments of greatness I experienced as a teacher was having both groups in my second class do extremely well. I have a good number if flipside examples like the one for 1010, but I think one of the tings that stuck out most to me was in 2140. There was one day where Kassie did her fallacies lecture which went really well. I'd been asked think about doing a lecture as well, but I wasn't feeling up to doing a lecture in front of about 125 people and I still don't think I want to do that just yet, but I had a student ask about a week later when I was doing my lecture. When I told them that I probably wouldn't be doing one they seemed disappointed which was another one of those things that I didn't expect, and I also didn't expect them to ask me to consider it. That was a moment of greatness because I had a student who is use to me facilitating activities and workdays want to sit through a potential lecture. I still don't think I want to but that encouragement definitely made an impact.
4. This community is something extremely valuable.
I said earlier that I'm grateful for the people that I realized I could count on. There are so many things going on at once in grad school and it's comforting to know that those struggles that come up can be worked through. This is were I need to say thank you to my peers and mentors in the programs for showing me why this community is valuable for if nothing else its own sake.
5. You learn to work while being exhausted and get really good at hiding that exhaustion from students really quick.
This is mostly with my 1010 classes where I'm able to hide the exhaustion from actually being tired from lack of sleep and from going in depth into some readings for my classes. Early in the semester I had a few students point out they thought I was tired but as the semester has gone on those instances definitely occur less. Thank god for full coverage concealer.
6. When you don't know how to handle something, the instructor team has got advice to share and support to give.
I've asked so many questions this semester to the second year and second semester TAs. These moments of questioning were extremely helpful because not only did the function as clarifying moments, I believe they also provided moments of insight which I think has probably helped me to develop my own pedagogy. In a similar sense, working through this semester with the insights of other first year TAs was also helpful to me and I would like to assume has been helpful to my peers as well.
7. Students are really something else.
I really don't know where to begin; the range of students I have this semester is so diverse. On one end of the spectrum I have a student who is the most meticulous person I've ever met and appreciate so much that they go above and beyond with every assignment because it makes my life so easy. And then there are those students who have made me have so many "what the" moments that I honestly don't know what to do, ex. today I logged onto canvas to see that my student who showed up to class 5 times so far this semester had completed two quizzes.
And there's been a lot of totally expected behavior where I recognize that students have been conditioned to perform tasks a certain way which looking back is probably why some many of my 1010 students were and still can be uncomfortable in discussion. But beyond that there were just a lot of unexpected things that happened: one of my students boldly mentioned to the class the university had shut off their internet for illegally downloading a game, I had another student ask two weeks in a row if they could leave my class early to go to work, I had a student who literally never caused me any trouble get suspended and a member of his group told me "something happened with the police" which of course the whole class heard and asked for either of us to "spill the tea"- obviously that's not going to be happening.
I've accepted that having students means you have to deal with the insanity that diversity in the classroom brings.
8. There are so many emotions.
Do you remember when I said I cried at my parent's neighbors party? Would you believe me if I said it wasn't the first time that week? It was the third time...
It wasn't all bad, I swear those are just... crying still makes me feel gross.
I can honestly say this semester was emotional by not just in the way that has stigma attached. It was emotional in that we had moments where we all enjoyed ourselves and being in each other's company--Halloween, we had moments where we experienced all the emotions associated with just not understanding, and we all were able to celebrate some little victories.
9.You need to have an I can do this attitude or you need to need to find ways fake this attitude until it becomes a reality.
10. I actually think I've got this!
Hi Amber-
ReplyDeleteWe did it! Well...almost. But we're so close and I also share your excitement!
I really resonated with several of your takeaways from this semester. In particular, I really like your thoughts on #6 and #7.
6. When you don't know how to handle something, the instructor team has got advice to share and support to give.
It has been so incredibly helpful to have such a supportive and generous group of TA's to lean on as I navigated my first semester of teaching. You and I have had several conversations about our students and I have gathered so many insights from these conversations and others. At the very least, I am grateful to have a group of people and a space where I can express any anxieties, frustrations, and confusions I experience in relation to my pedagogy.
7. Students are really something else.
I couldn't agree more. This semester, my students have truly surprised me - in both disappointing and amazing ways. You really never know what the semester may hold in terms of teaching, students go through their own trials and tribulations the same ways that we do, sometimes we are aware and sometimes we are not. Sometimes students come out on top and sometimes they drop the ball - the same ways we do (or at least I do)! As I reflect on this semester of teaching, I wish that I could have incorporated certain strategies or activities into my lessons. I can only hope to work harder at incorporating my own pedagogy in my future classrooms!
Here's to the end of the semester - I am looking forward to more conversations about our teaching and our students.
Hi Angelica,
DeleteI'm glad you were able to relate to some of these takeaways and expand on them based on your experiences with your students. I've found our conversations about teaching to be eyeopening and I also have appreciated that you've been willing to share your perspective.
Is it just me? I feel a bit more dead inside as we near the end of the semester. Going in, I felt excited and ready. Number one is really true. It makes me think of many analogies. But, given how iffy this first thought is (to not seem like I am calling out anyone or attacking anyone), I won’t get into it. I’d say I play that role even with myself. Sometimes, I can count on myself other times I cannot.
ReplyDeleteHaving a strong social group and support system is definitely important. Self-care is invaluable. And even though I know the importance of it, I still do not know how to do it sometimes! What do you do as a means of self-care? I am asking for a friend.
As advice to future TAs, I would add to take care of your own work too. It’s important to grade your students work, but don’t forget to do yours too. You’ll thank me later. But, if you have to, set up a schedule for yourself, even if it’s as small as grading one student a day. It might not be practical, but you’ll get it done.
I have heard the argument that being a TA has helped some people stay with/in the program and that they would be lonely without it. A bad community can make things hell and a good one can make things euphoric. Have you been in a community that has made things hell on earth for you? How did you navigate that? Number 5 is my current state and I didn’t really realize I was hiding the exhaustion from my students until now. I wonder if next semester will be any better. Even though, it sounds like you’re getting the hang of things, do you think the new students will make things harder? Easier? About the same? My two 1010 classes have very different vibes and I am a little nervous to see how new students next semester will introduce entirely new vibes, if I am a 1010 TA again. What do you do to help you be less exhausted? Sleep won't cut it anymore.
Ciel,
DeleteFor 1010, I tend find it easier to hide when I'm feeling exhausted by giving my students the chance to "run" the class. Usually, I provide overall directions and tell them to get in their groups to run through the activity. This allows the students to work through their concerns together and typically they are able to find solutions on their own. The group work also means I talk less and only have to really answer one or two questions before debriefing. I also do an overall discussion for debrief where I require at least one person to share what how the group managed the activity and what each person in each group learned generally about communication or specifically about the topic for that day/week. I would say it's a whole different approach for my 2140 section though. I went in to 2140 with a more relaxed approach so I usually just let them know the plan for the day and they're very good at getting it done; this makes it easier to deal with exhaustion.
As for coursework, I'm still working on trying to figure out the back to back schedule; I've relied a lot on my peers for support-emotional and otherwise- and I think that helps because we can usually figure it out by working with each other to understand required texts.