The road to the end of this semester has had its fair share of bumps and dead ends, but as it comes to a close I am more surprised by students and proud of their work each class period. A successful run with rhetorical media analyses in class, finding out my donations team regularly meets at the bowling alley to hang out and finish their assignment, and seeing my 2020 students make 3 friends out of random strangers when I only required them to meet 1 - these are just a few highlights, and they're only from last week! As I grow prouder of my students and their accomplishments, I can't help but think how much I have grown throughout the semester as well.
Palmer's book, "The Courage to Teach" has been one of my favorite readings for this course, because it allowed me to thoughtfully approach a mindset I've held about teaching for years, and everyday as I went into the classroom. Palmer argues that by questioning one's identities as both a teacher and a student, teachers are not only able to better understand how to interact with and provide learning opportunities for their own students, but they understand how their true selves can be incorporated into their teaching styles in effective and meaningful ways. Palmer encourages teachers to embrace the paradoxes found within the classroom, in this case providing students with the best learning opportunities and teaching as one's true self. More often than not it seems that I place limits on my role based on the different spectrums of these paradoxes. Am I giving each student a personalized education in which they achieve the learning objectives, even if this means incorporating multiple different types of activities in a given 50 minute class period? Am I communicating enough about myself honestly in order to build relationships with students that create a trusting environment? Am I being the student I want in my own classrooms in my graduate classes? And am I also making time for myself, my family and my friends out of my school life?
While not the answer to solve all questions, it seems that Palmer's approach of "re-remembering" one's true identity offers a valuable opportunity for us to not only consider who we want to be in the classroom, but who we want to be as people and how we can express both. Palmer states that “Re-membering” requires teachers to “[put themselves] back together, recovering identity and integrity, reclaiming the wholeness of [their] lives” (p. 21). Not only should we seek to accomplish the learning objectives necessary for students to find success in our courses (our job kinda depends on it), but we should put value in our own expressions of identity, and ultimately seek to just be whole people - teacher, student, friend and everything in between.
As I sit watching my mom prepare for her own class tomorrow - coloring turkeys for thanksgiving, what a gig! - I have a clearer picture of the "heart work" that goes into teaching. While I still don't place my identity solely within the teaching profession, I find it necessary to approach how I think and communicate this role with a new sense of excitement and remembrance of what brought me to be a TA in the first place. Considering all the teachers I've had who encouraged me, taught me important lessons and made a lasting impact, and how I engaged in the classroom as a student are necessary memories to help me understand one of my current identities as a teacher. I think if I can re-remember all that, and continue to position my thoughts, communication and feelings about my role more enthusiastically, I might just start to look like the teacher my students want and need.
#thanksforcomingtomyTEDtalk
Payton -
ReplyDeleteThank you for this thoughtful reflection. After reading Palmer, I grappled with the notion of if I have been presenting my true identity in the classroom, or the one I believe I am supposed to present. As the semester has moved forward, I have come to realize that the more I present the person I truly am through my teaching, I am better received and appreciated by my students. This is true for the Friendship unit of 2020 when I was able to share with my students information and experiences of my own as it relates to friends. I felt ALIVE! I felt authentic to myself and my students. But also - as Palmer discusses, I realized the vulnerability of teaching as well as the importance of embracing it.
Identity within the classroom is one that I've tried to present as my true identity within the classroom but the thought of being a teacher of sorts never ceases to surprise me. I've never saw myself as a teacher growing up but yet life has a funny way of taking you to new places. Reading your post reassured so many of my own personal reflections as well. I also discovered that being myself, no matter how silly and awkward I can be, resulted in students overall respecting me more. Truly opening yourself will allow for students to not only understand you but also trust you as their instructor.
ReplyDelete
ReplyDeletePayton,
I think it’s pretty cool that you come from a background of teachers. I can relate a bit, given that I have family members that are mentors and instructors and very much leader oriented. Given your family background, did you feel that there were any expectations that you had to live up to? Do you think that it was an accident that you drifted into this profession?
Moving into more of your classroom behaviors: What did you use to conduct your rhetorical media analysis in your class? How would you assess, if you are communicating enough about yourself with your students? What are some other ways that you can create a trusting environment with your students?
Your question: "Am I being the student I want in my own classrooms in my graduate classes?" Hits me pretty hard. I walk this line of contradiction. So, in short, I know I am not being the student I would want in my class. However, it would also be unrealistic to say I want all talkative students who always want to/have to say something. I think, there needs to be a balance of personalities. So, I may not be the ideal student, but I am a student, so I credit myself for that. I want to participate more and I wish I felt more comfortable doing so, but communication apprehension has kept me frozen in place. I have had small motivations to try to get outside of the block of ice, but I feel really stuck!
I struggle with self-disclosure sometimes, not wanting to disclose too much or information that might be considered too controversial. Of course, me saying I like something as simple as a band could give off certain feelings to one student and different to another, depending on their feelings about said band and their content. But, perhaps I think too much about my identity and image that it becomes a form of policing that is advantageous to none.
Going back to our true colors exercise, I was curious to know, is your mom a blue? I wish, we could color turkeys too. However, the overthinker in me would overanalyze the messages linked to turkeys and thanksgiving. What “true color” do you think most teachers have? What color do you think the teachers that have encouraged you most have been? Thanks for the insightful TEDTalk.
Payton,
ReplyDeletePalmer was also one of my favorite readings from this semester. He challenged me to question my position in the classroom and how I'm interacting with my students. You question whether or not you're communicating enough about yourself in the classroom, which is a question I have for myself as well. Every class period I make it a point to ask my students how their week is going or how their weekend was then I share something about myself in response to that question. But that's not enough. If I'm aiming to follow Palmer, then it looks like I need more self-disclosure and dialogue to authentically build relationships with my students. I want my classroom to be a trusting environment, but it's not going to happen over night. The thing about relationships is that they take time, and in the case of my relationships those will simply take more time because I only see them twice a week. Vulnerability, self-disclosure, and authentic conversations within the classroom are great tools that I want to use in the classroom.