Credibility was something that I was extremely worried about
when stepping into the classroom and being the class’s instructor. Who was I to be these student’s instructor? I mean,
their grades are on me (not really but the pressure sure felt like it was). The beginning notes of the song Under Pressure would play in an anxiety inducing loop in my head. Much like the Jaws theme, just looming over me as this unseen impending doom approached from the shadows.
I would reassure myself that everything would be ok. I mean, what could be the worst that would happen? The most extreme would be that an accident occurs, I get fired on the spot, or worse: death. These far fetched and extreme scenario would calm my anxiety but no matter how anxious I was, I knew I needed to
fit into the role in order to gain the classrooms respect. But first! in order for that to work, needed to have confidence in myself to step into the role.
Hmmm, what to do, what to do... I could share with the class how nervous I
was but that could risk them potentially taking advantage of it. Like dinosaurs, students can smell fear. For sure wasn’t going to risk that! So,
I told myself ‘It’s ok Jen, you got this. You’ve tutored students before and
that’s, in a sense, like being the instructor. You got this!’ and with a deep breath, stepped
into my role and went into the classroom.
As stated by Dannels, having credibility will help in
managing a classroom but also, it’s absolutely human to be anxious about being
in front of a crowd of students and teaching them. I’m already a shy and
awkward person, it’s only amplified when I ask a question to the class and
receive back seconds of prolonged silence that feel like a whole hour. Then the
self-doubt ceremoniously enters the room with trumpets and shouting “HEY JEN!
YOU'VE FUCKED UP!”
But you know what, nip it at the bud and take a deep breath. Instead
listen to the word of Dannels and have comfort that I will get better at this
with more experience and will soon gain credibility as well. It might suck now but the situation will get better with time.
As the character Delia from Beetlejuice says “Every success
begins with sucks… but ends with yes. SucksYes!” so it might suck right now,
but without a doubt, it will all end out well. #SucksYes!
Hello Jen,
ReplyDeleteYour personality radiates from this post and I love it. It was super fun and relatable.
How did you gain some of the confidence needed for your role? I laughed, when you said students are like dinosaurs. Fear is also contagious. So, I am glad that your class didn't turn into mass hysteria with the fear. So, it’s good you faked it until you made it. You’ve nearly survived an entire semester! I’m glad you have convinced yourself to just go for it! Sometimes, I wonder if I am asking my questions the right way or phrased my statement(s) well enough to get my students to understand me clearly. However, I know that as a Communication Studies major I need to work on communicating and sometimes that means not being understood and learning how to fix it so that I can be!
I thought I would add the idea of students being able to smell fear reminds me of Jurassic Park but also of The Office. It reminded me of the fire drill scene. https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2u2mzy
ReplyDeleteIt's a bit like what is going on on the inside for some TAs especially in the beginning of entering the classroom as a teacher.
Hey Jen,
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with Ciel on this one. I was literally reading this entire post in your voice. And also that hashtag is absolutely amazing and I really wish I had thought of it. But I totally get it. It feels like I have absolutely no credibility to be in the classroom and I still think I don't. I don't think I have ever engaged in fake it till you make it so hard as when I entered the classroom, because you're totally right, they can smell fear. I am excited for next semester, starting with a little bit of experience and understanding. I can't wait to see what we all do in our classrooms next.