So, you’ve been overthinking (or are you under thinking?). You open up a Google Docs page and then another Google Doc page, and another and another...one more for good luck. Even though luck has taken her sister sleep and they have decided that they don’t want to be your friends anymore. It’s okay. They were never really my friends to begin with, but if they are now yours, tell them I want my waffle iron back.
Ladies, Gentlemen, and Distinguished Guests
Please, put your hands together for BIGS
An average Juggler and an even worse comedian!
Please, do not feed the performer and note the following:
We
Are
Not
Responsible
For
Any
Damages
Caused
By
Grad
School
Welcome to my chaotic, disorganized mind. I will be your entertainment for this blog post. I am BIGS, but I also respond to #bigs. It’s short for “Balance In Grad School”, which let me tell you, my parent did not do me very much justice. I may change my name, in revolt, one of these days. So, let me tell you about me. I am a student and a TA. You know this already, don’t you? Well, I love to wear different hats. Or do the hats wear me? I am a friend to imaginary people...well...real ones too sometimes. I am a sibling, a club officer, a child, a cousin, a mentor, the list goes on. Sometimes, I forget to change my hats, since the shift happens so often. Fear not duty, I am on my way.
Dannels (2015) chronicles this shift, “...I also remember very clearly, throughout that quarter, feeling a bit overwhelmed about switching from teacher to student to friend to colleague to family member—sometimes in a very short time frame” (p. 69). Like many others, there is always a role that needs needs to be filled. On occasion, I didn’t know when to take off one hat. I slept in that hat instead of taking it off or I wore another hat too long. I neglected my own coursework in favor of my student work or vice versa. Sometimes I sat in a disappointing ignorant bliss and I neglected both.
As a student, I have attempted to have some element of balance. My syllabi and canvas page have been helpful tools in keeping me on track. I may as well glue the canvas page to the inside of my eyelids, I have opened it up so much. I would be rich, if I got paid for my visits. However, my canvas page can also remind me of a million things I need to be worried about: student inbox messages, student assignments that need grading, and deadlines that are waiting to bum rush me. Throughout our discussions in COMM 5085, we have discussed our roles as teachers and as students. Even while we sit in COMM 5085 as students we put our teacher hats on, our peer hats, our facilitator hats, and we have the best hat party you have ever seen.
How is #bigs relevant to my experience? Well, I am still trying to figure out a balance. I stretched and practice before it was time for me to perform, but it still has been quite tiring. So, the juggling act is not the best at the moment. Sorry, there are no refunds for your ticket to the show. But, I can give you four more complimentary tickets to the next few shows. Perhaps, you will join me?
BIGS tip: Be kind to yourself. I know that I have not been as kind to myself as I could have been this semester.
Ciel,
ReplyDeleteWe've almost made it to the end of our first semester, and boy has this been a rough one. As a first semester grad students, we've had to learn quite a bit regarding our position in and outside the classroom. At the beginning of the semester, when things weren't kicked into full gear, I thought "no problem, I can handle grad school." And then reality set in. Grad school is HARD. I think the line you quoted from Dannels clearly depicts the place that I'm in. I've been feeling the exhaustion of switching from student to teacher to friend to daughter and everything in between. But I'm glad I'm not alone. Sometimes I question if I'm wearing all my hats correctly and if I'm succeeding at balancing them all. I know I'm not perfect so the clear answer is no, but I'm learning. I've learned how to say no to things in order to set time apart for other things. I'm hoping I can get better at balancing all the facets of my life and practice my "with-it-ness" outside the classroom. Here's to the final balancing act that will come these last few weeks! We got this!
Thanks for sharing this Ciel! It's a creative way to think about your role as a teacher by performing, and I definitely find myself "getting into character" before I teach each class period. I think I have the most trouble as a TA balancing between all of the different roles I have to play in the times they are the most important. Everyone always says that we are graduate students first, and then teachers, but trying to balance these roles is seemingly impossible when there is so much pressure to give our students all the resources necessary to succeed! But that's just it, it is largely a matter of balance, intentionally trying to make these roles more equal no matter how hard they seem. What are some ways you have been able to find balance?
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