The Juggler Is Fine?

“I then walked into the classroom, put on my best acting face, and pretended I was fine” (Dannels, 2015, p. 69). 

Surprisingly, when I walk into my COMM 1010 classes, unless on days where I know/think I will be evaluated, I feel pretty at ease. This is in stark contrast to how I feel walking into my personal classes. I am not really sure why. Maybe, it’s because I play different roles in each group. As a student, I am subdued while as a teacher I try to be more outgoing and engaging. I feel a sense of duty to hear my students' voices, which seems paradoxical by not sharing my own. Teaching is a role that has yet to be overly familiar to me in the current setting. Thus my role is still something I’m molding and not as afraid to explore. Whereas my role as a student has been something I’ve played backwards, forwards and in my sleep for years. Old habits die hard. 

Yesterday, I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off, because I thought I would be evaluated by Dr. Anderson-Lain. Can anyone give me two cents on how to survive this? I won’t die during my evaluation, but I do not want to be like this every time evaluation enters the ring for a fight. Maybe, I was further stunted by the idea of talking about ePortfolio in front of her and my students. Something I wasn’t really sure I’d be able to talk about effectively. I did get a student to allow me access through the student view and we went through it together as a class. Students asked questions here and there and then we moved into doing an activity out of the CIA. 

I both love and hate having my classes back to back. Sometimes, it feels like I’ve just climbed to the top of a mountain and I’ve reached the top. It’s usually not a very bad climb and I enjoy it. But then I realize, I have to get down somehow and have to wait an hour to do it. However, it’s really nice to have that two hour time period blocked off and get it over with. I can’t make up mental excuses for waiting until the last minute for anything. And, I love being able to try things with one class and then modify it for my second class. 

I feel like my dynamics with my first class are getting better. They are still hesitant to contribute sometimes, but they have seemed more receptive and really liked being able to tell their stories. It took them most of the class period to warm up. They had to share their story/stories with two random partners and their AIA groups but eventually some started to share with the entire class. I just wish we had more time!