"Freire's work (and that of many other teachers) affirmed my right as a subject in resistance to define my reality." (pp. 53)
I'm approaching Week 11 of my first semester teaching, and the first thought is, "I still can't believe I made it this far." I remember having to give a three minute introduction of myself to all of you during orientation and loosing my mind. Three months later, I'm no longer afraid of all of my students and insecure in all of my choices.
The coolest thing about this lack of self-concern is more energy to care about my students- fuel that wasn't accessible to me in the beginning. I hear eye-rolls, but really... I don't believe my students were ever in danger of not having a thoughtful lecture, or an instructor showing up late, or unfair grading, but they did have an instructor that couldn't see past the pressure(and her own nose) for a minute there.
Sometime during the last month of readings (I'm certain my 28th birthday has something to do with it), responsibility kind of hit. There are so many things that are more important than the oppressors like me, and their predictably stifling opinions.
One of these things is the potential for resistance in language. The 1010 Curriculum is a space for this type of learning. That's not that all of our students will take us up on it, but certainly there is room for subjects to define their realities. So far our students were required to introduce and relate their identities to objects and symbols, share and observe others' authentic unscripted observations about the world, and reflect on what it might mean to hold the beliefs about social issues and a better world.
The discomfort and disinterest in these assignments is understandable, it's the point in the semester where all of us feel a lack of meaning in even those tasks that come naturally or relate directly to life outside of school. What is most profound is the fear and lack of experience some students can have articulating their own opinions and selves.
I look forward to confronting someone else' fears and inexperience for whats left of this semester and the next. A more worthy challenge than self-preservation is to help little ones shift the preoccupation from the oppressors inside and around them to the opportunities and responsibilities language always offers us when we perceive a social challenge, will to be reflexive, OH! ...and put in the work.
I love it Bailey! You just wrote about how I've been feeling during the semester as well! I spoke to a non-grad school friend the other day and told them how I still get nervous about presenting material to my students but am no longer laying awake at night because of it. I feel like we've built a community of forgiveness through each of us being at the front of the class presenting a piece of us, through speeches. These presentations have often times been imperfect and with each blunder and following forgiveness, the community of classroom has built a little bit more. It opens the space to be more communal in nature. We have a better dialogue which helps me to be my more authentic self and care for them and about them.
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