I Found a Brand New Kind of FREE

Good girls. We all know them. They are the ones who are always so sweet to everyone they meet. They always seem so put together – their outfits, their hair, their charm, their southern hospitality, their life. They always have all of their work completed with plenty of time to spare. They always go above and beyond on each task and are typically quick to volunteer for anything needed. The good girls. This is who they are. This is just what they do. They please people. 

However, many times the good girls have these roles forced upon them as they reach to become smart women. Many times these good girls get caught in the middle of being a good girl and a smart woman. Bell and Golombisky call this “caught in the middle” time a “dilemma of women caught between voice and silence” (p. 294). Every girl desires to be that smart woman that not only does everyone adore, but everyone is able to see beyond what meets the eye. Smart women know the difference in a role being forced upon them and the role of who they want to be. Smart women know how to use their voice without apologizing if it seems to contradict with someone else’s opinions.

What does all of this mean? We, as a society, create these good girls. We have created these cultural norms of what a “good girl” does or does not do. Moms even say things like “be a good girl” when leaving their children at school or other such places. In the elementary classroom, the good girls get to help the teacher or be the line leader which every “good girl” naturally wants to do. As the years pass, these good girls perceive in which atmospheres they can talk and which ones they cannot. They know when they are being too loud or need to shut up based on the responses of the others around them. They begin to understand what they are “supposed” to do and what they are not “supposed” to do. As a result, these girls silence themselves early on in life. They begin constructing their lives to fit this mold. They begin conforming to the norms our culture says is appropriate for “good girls”. 

Are you caught in the middle and can't get out? Lets talk... 

You see, I can relate to these girls. I have spent many years of my life living as a good girl. I know how to get things done. I know how to be polite and “fake it till you make it”. I have also said they wrong things enough to the right people to know when to keep my mouth shut around certain people in fear of them taking my words differently than I intended. I know how to say the right things within the perfect atmosphere in order to keep the peace. I know how to do the ‘right thing’. I know how to listen to the perspectives of others without mine being heard or validated. I know how to wait around about a decision I need to make to make sure someone will approve of it in fear of someone telling me it’s wrong. Now it may seem I am placing blame of the ‘others’ I have been speaking of; however, this is not the case. Yes certain people have played major roles in the manner in which my identity has been socially constructed, but this alone is not the problem. The problem really lies in the fact of me not knowing or understanding the need for critical reflexivity. Not simply time to think through what I ‘did wrong’, but a time to truly engage in the reasons by which I made specific choices and chose to believe certain things. I needed a moment to understand that it is ok to feel and do and be ALL of whom I was created to feel, do and be. However, my knowledge even goes BEYOND JUST THIS.

Too long, I have sat back feeling “like an imposter” (p. 297) in the classroom and in my interpersonal relationships with specific people in my life. I have felt as if my opinions no longer matter. I have felt as if my thoughts have no validity. I restructured my words in complete fear of getting something wrong again or not saying something the right way or being rejected as a person if the way in which I handle things does not seem to measure up to someone else’s perspective. I’M DONE! No more struggling to just be understood. No more keeping my mouth shut. No more conforming to what other people believe I should or should not do. I now recognize the condemning power I have lived under in so many ways and that must stop. And that time is NOW.

If you are a “good girl” striving to be a smart woman or if you teach these “good girls”, I encourage you to make that change now. You don’t have to spend your life that way. You do not have to continue living under the pressure of any hierarchy telling you certain ways in which to live. You do not have to fear being too loud or completely lost. You also do not have to just disappear in the crowd any longer. You do not have to hide behind the person in front of you. YOU HAVE A VOICE. YOUR VOICE IS VALID. YOUR VOICE MATTERS. And so do the voices of these “good girls” within your classroom. Validate them. Hear them. Take time to understand them. Enable them to be brave.

In the words of Alicia Keys,

“I don’t need your opinion. I’m not waiting for your okay. I’ll never be perfect, but at least now I’m brave. I found a brand new kind of free… I found me. It’s a brand new time for me!” 

 #authenticallylearningYOU