Out of this world! Goals beyond reach! To search for a better space to meet. To reach everything we have ever asked and communicate clearly about our wants and our needs. To remain intact, and to provide and receive the care given and the care much needed. From our students to professors, peers, mentors, friends, family, and everyone outside and in between. All the reaches go towards Dannels' ideas of responsiveness in education, as the "capacity to be sensitive to the communication of others, to be seen as a good listener, to make others comfortable in communicating and to recognize the needs & desires of others" (Pg. 94). The question then insists: What capacities in our headspace do we have to engage? How exactly can we take things day by day? Self-care comes into play. Or at least that is the hope.
Out of this world. Entering UNT grad school, I walked in with confidence feeling I previously developed the capabilities to succeed. Now, as we reach the last month of crunch time, my ego reached a point of depletion. What a concept. As an individual who tried to put in 110% in everything I worked to complete, I needed to learn how to prioritize. One priority included me.
I remember how my first encounters of saying no to plans or not helping others in my spare time as the usual trust outlet, made me feel guilty. Additionally, correcting others on how phrases, media, or feedback they said hurt my feelings did too. I found myself overapoligizing for the way others could not understand when I explained many times how I do not mean to put them off or not maintain my side of the relationships. That I just needed space and time to recollect as I was struggling to get through my life within school currently, and wanted to readjust on the path I planned to continue within higher education. Now I strive towards sharing with people how I feel as transparent as I can and make time for the ones who understand and show consideration. Less of "I'm sorry, I'm struggling." shifting to more of "Thank you for understanding how I feel."
The shift from over apologizing to saying what I mean helped me become more intentional with my words instead of falling into the sorry reflex, according to my good childhood doll, Barbie. Learning to become more intentional helped me communicate with others how I felt without taking responsibility for situations beyond my emotional control. To set healthy boundaries, and when needed, sincere apologies.
One realization in grad school: Experiencing burnout happens, and you are allowed to take a break. To reach a better space.
A better space. As the semester starts to pick up, I acknowledge how my students begin facing more experiences of burnout as emails continue to pile in about needing to miss class. Students continue to disclose how life has got in the way, and they become uncertain if they can finish the semester strong. And full transparency. I completely understand. One reminder that I find myself replying to my students as I check in includes, "Please take care of yourself." Trying to reassure my students, they can still achieve. A cycle of giving words of encouragement to my students and a subconscious reminder to myself as well. Learning how to practice what we preach. Still in the works. How intriguing.
With starting to allow my feelings to reach the surface and blend with the work I put out, I needed to take the time to recognize the care I needed to maintain a healthy headspace. I needed to take a break before I break.
I had to reconnect my heart in why I chose to continue into education and reground my ambitions as I make my way through. To continue to push past the #journeyofuncertainty and see the end goal as not too far outstretched to complete. To remind myself that I can continue to put out hard work to succeed (with a good sprinkle of self-care, of course).
One way to fly high: Take the time you need to recharge and see things for the way they are.
Baby steps to reground ourselves within all challenges and to remain within a space of content. Learning how to take care and feel the balance against all the resistance. All the while, zooming by feeling out of this world. How are you flying by, my friends? #journeyofuncertainty
Citations:
Barbie. (2018, June 1). Sorry Reflex | Barbie Vlogs | @Barbie [Video]. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9ahiHpM3yQ
Jacinta,
ReplyDeleteWe love a good space theme!! I love the play upon mental/emotional space as it relates to our ability to enact self-care, care for our students, and our ability to communicate when we might need help or extra support. The sorry reflex is one that has always plagued my communication patterns, so I appreciate that you brought it up!
I can attest that shifting sorry-statements like, "sorry for rambling" to gratitude-statements like, "I really appreciate your patience while I try to articulate this" makes a huge difference. Not only are others more receptive, but we begin to re-write those narratives of error, deficit, or self-criticism. Even if you break the sorry reflex / habit, it can be easy to fall back into that pattern when stressed or overwhelmed. I've found that people in our support system can recognize this (thank the stars) and provide the kindness/care/laughter we need in order to take a step back and reorient ourselves.
Overall, I think ensuring that I'm attentive to my headspace at a given moment allows me to wade through the muddy waters of balancing grad student work with TA work with personal needs and responsibilities. As always, you've given me a lot to think about with your blog post.
Thank you for being such a pillar of support within my (solar?) system (let's get more mixed with the metaphors). I always appreciate when you gently call my attention to my own "sorry" reflex and that you continuously model self care and emotional intelligence (for me AND for your students)! Would it be too cheesy of me to call you an all-star? A shooting star?
-Becca