In the beginning of this semester,
I was obviously nervous about finding the conviction to be a college teacher in
every sense. I had all kinds of fears – not being taken seriously, having my
authority subverted, not knowing what’s going on, not being able to answer
questions, having to deal with unruly and disrespectful students, etc. Luckily,
I had developed my sense of self and a great deal of confidence as a leader
from my experiences in undergrad. Palmer talks a lot about knowing who you are
and expressing that in an authentic way. My undergraduate experience involved
holding many positions of leadership and authority that put me in teacher-ish
roles. I also was required to take a leadership class each semester where I had
to literally put into words my personal life mission statement and values. Over
time, I get to continually develop this mission and these values. I’m grateful
for those chances to discover myself and to practice in real life.
On the first day of class, I was
hesitant to be myself and I really wanted some kind of wall to separate my
students and me. Once I got more comfortable, I reverted back to my authentic
self. I realized that I, Rowdy, can actually be a teacher and I can do this.
Once that settled in and I aligned my inner self with my teacher self, going in
to the classroom no longer makes me nervous, but it now makes me excited.
I love the way Palmer talks about
the inner self and the trinity of truth, reality, and community. I have gone
through quite the journey in my life to realize and life out my own truth.
Every day it is easier and being able to have that confidence to know and be
who I am, gives me the confidence to go into class and be a teacher. I am also
thankful to have this community of fellow teachers who are going through the
same things, along with others who have already done it all. These people serve
as mentors that I can turn to and from whom I can learn. This is how I continue
to be a #rowdyfarmer of my students and myself as a teacher.
Rowdy, while reading your post I swear you took the thoughts right out of my head. But since I don't have students, these thoughts are towards UNT and grad school in general. Coming to UNT I was nervous that I wouldn't fit in, I wouldn't be liked, and would ultimately fail. But as time goes on, and I embrace my truth as Palmer would suggest, I find that it is getting easier, and that fear is going away. I'm not going to lie, I'm extremely nervous to be a TA next semester, even though like you, I've had a great deal of experience in "teacher-like" roles, but like you said, and a few others have written about.. being a TA is a whole new ball game. I love hearing about your experience with your students, keep sharing!
ReplyDeleteHey Rowdy! I believe every experience in life is an opportunity for growth and self exploration. Some of us are going to graduate from this program and never step into a classroom again, but this experience as a TA allows for so much growth in other places as well. The confidence, the community we are creating in our cohort, and the values that we are establishing right now by creating our own pedagogy can all be applied in other areas of our lives. What I love about Palmer is his constant reminder of searching for truth, and that's a constant process. I'm finding myself stepping closer and closer to Palmers ideas and values because grad school is a constant journey of finding your inner self and truth. #TheReal
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