I think it’s pretty well-established at this point in the course that I am, for better or worse, a little type A; I draw flowcharts on my notes, I use graph paper for casual writing, I mindmap like a fiend, but I wasn’t always like this. Through most of my undergrad, I was the quintessential silent GoodGirl and my learning definitely suffered.
I don’t know if I consciously associated my silence with femininity, but I definitely associated it with what I felt was my positionality in the classroom-- for a long time in my learning I have consistently felt like I was trying my best, but never really being the best. As I read the Bell and Golombisky article, I was feeling pretty self-congratulatory for my evolution as a learner. I regularly contribute in class, even when I’m not confident in my answer, and I’ve really improved in my ability to communicate when I’m unsure about my answer and want constructive feedback.
That is, I was feeling self-congratulatory until I got to the section about Protecting and Serving GoodGirls and I would like to personally thank B&G for dragging my smug ass to hell and back again. I haven’t necessarily evolved as a learner at all-- I’ve just learned to fulfill the expectations grad school has presented me.
While there are classes and discussions to which I feel comfortable contributing unhindered, I have hugely managed to find a way to perpetuate my GoodGirl identity and man, I don't know how I feel but #ihavefeelings. Maybe I have some more work to do.
I don’t know if I consciously associated my silence with femininity, but I definitely associated it with what I felt was my positionality in the classroom-- for a long time in my learning I have consistently felt like I was trying my best, but never really being the best. As I read the Bell and Golombisky article, I was feeling pretty self-congratulatory for my evolution as a learner. I regularly contribute in class, even when I’m not confident in my answer, and I’ve really improved in my ability to communicate when I’m unsure about my answer and want constructive feedback.
That is, I was feeling self-congratulatory until I got to the section about Protecting and Serving GoodGirls and I would like to personally thank B&G for dragging my smug ass to hell and back again. I haven’t necessarily evolved as a learner at all-- I’ve just learned to fulfill the expectations grad school has presented me.
While there are classes and discussions to which I feel comfortable contributing unhindered, I have hugely managed to find a way to perpetuate my GoodGirl identity and man, I don't know how I feel but #ihavefeelings. Maybe I have some more work to do.
Sarah, based on the way you readily jump into contributing in class discussions, I never would have thought you were a quiet one. As someone who came out of that (at least partially, like you mentioned) what ways would you suggest for encouraging others to come out of their "Good Girl" shells and be willing to speak up? I feel like the trick, as a teacher, lies in a really good, encouraging, in-class response to students who speak up, setting a precedent for how students who (respectfully) speak their mind will be treated. I'm not sure that that's the whole picture, though, and I'm not sure that I know how to manage even that part of it...
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm curious how you think you act out the role of a protector/server? I have trouble seeing that, but maybe I'm missing something.