Recipe for success:
Have you ever wanted to be successful in life? You can be! Just follow these five simple steps!
Step 1. Smile.
It doesn’t matter if you are having a hard day, or if you feel like you are “stressed” or “tired” or “anxious”. You can ONLY be successful if you are smiling! Without a smile on your face, you will never be able to gain the trust and respect of anyone. If you look sad, nonchalant, or any other facial expression other than happy all the time, no one will think you are capable of doing your task. Either that or they will think that you are just not a good person, because of course, all good people smile! As a teacher, this is even MORE important, as you want to make sure all of the students know that you are always encouraging. Leave the stern-teaching to the men.
Step 2. Maintain good posture.
- Nobody wants to see a slouchy person. You must look poised and ready to initiate good and happy conversation in the classroom at any time, otherwise, you will look lazy and foolish. Shoulder pads and a corset are great ways to keep your posture up, steady, and ready to start your day! Practice with a glass of water on your head; if the glass tips and spills water all over you, it is just representing the tears you are inflicting on your students with your terrible posture. Don’t be a bad person, stand up straight and appreciate the day!
Step 3. Keep your appearance nice and tidy.
- If you look like a mess, your students will think you ARE a mess. No one will want to trust you with any task and they will feel as though they can take advantage of you. If you do not want this, be sure to keep your appearance up to the standards which you see in the women around you.
- TIP: Shop at the best stores for the latest fashion. Get your nails done consistently so that you keep them looking polished! Have a go-to hairdresser to keep in touch with the best hairstyles for your head shape. Follow the latest diet, you know an inch gone around the waist is good for everyone!
Step 4. You are your house
A happy house is a happy lady! Be sure to keep on top of the following essential duties to keep your house in ship-shape!
Cooking
Cleaning
Shopping
Washing
Kids
Husband
Garden*
Note- The same goes for your classroom! Your classroom is your responsibility- if you look unprepared and unorganized, the students will think you are the same at home. This would not be good for your reputation as a simple, nice teacher.
Step 5. Don’t ask questions.
Don’t you hate it when the students keep asking constant questions? The more questions they ask, the more they know about how much the world truly sucks, making them sad and useless pieces of society. If you know what is best for you and your happy world, don’t ask any questions. Trust us, you will be better off not knowing the real answers! Just stick to the text book. Don't shake the table, don't insinuate, and don't get the students contemplating anything other than what you are reading to them!
DISCLAIMER: The above recipe is purely satirical and should not be considered to reflect the viewpoint and opinions of the writer. The following of this recipe is at the users own risk and this blog cannot be responsible for any recipe-for-success related injuries. If you are someone who maintains the expectations listed within this recipe, please refer to this wiki on how to be a good person https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Person.
"Our solidarity must be affirmed by shared belief in a spirit of intellectual openness that celebrates diversity, welcomes dissent, and rejoices in collective dedication to truth.” (hooks, 1994, p. 33)
Please know that there are resources to help overcome the effects of normative and structural pressures, as well as for anything that you may be experiencing or going through. Please refer to the following hotlines that you can utilize if you need to find resources/ need someone to talk to.
You are not alone.
You are, and always will be, #Rellevent
1. Dating Abuse and Domestic Violence
loveisrespect: 1-866-331-9474
2. Depression and Suicide
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (24/7)
The Trevor Project: 866-488-7386 (24/7)
There are also suicide hotlines specific to your area.
3. Eating Disorder Hotline
National Eating Disorder Association: 1-800-931-2237
4. General Crisis
Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741
5. Mental Illness Hotline
National Alliance on Mental Illness: 1-800-950-6264
References:
Harrison, Jami. Seven hotlines that exist if you need them. Spoon-Healthier. KSU. https://spoonuniversity.com/healthier/3-important-things-you-should-know-about-suicide.
Wiki. How to be a good person. Wiki-editors. https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Person.
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