With Halloween right around the corner, lately there has been off-topic discussions amoungst students in our classrooms regarding how each student might celebrate the holiday. Discussions include what costume they are going to wear, where the pre-game party is, where the party is, where the after party is, where the after after party is, and whataburger, wafflehouse, or ihop after. There is one student in particular who has been ready for Halloween ever since he stepped foot in my class. He wears his costume every single day and it pisses me off.
On days that the student decides to show up to class, he is often late, he always sits in the back of the classroom, and is either asleep, on his phone, or is reading his fraternity manual; never, is he engaged. In fact sometimes he distracts other students. This student makes teaching this class a living Hell, he is a demon if not Satan. Education scholar, Palmer (1998/2007) describes students like mine, "Student(s) from Hell". Like Palmer I too am guilty of becoming totally obsessed with this student partly because I have a soft spot for Greek students. A soft spot because I was one of them when I was an undergraduate. I feel like Greek students have a special opportunity to be one step ahead of the game after graduating. Greek life students have various resources that are accessible to them through an affiliation of a successful and supportive community; an opportunity that most students don't have. So why squander it in the classroom? Brotherhood/Sisterhood is about making each other better, yet it frustrates me that this student refuses to take his education seriously.
I find myself strategically finding ways through class prep to get him engaged and focused. In a way, one can say my lesson plans are often centered around him. Everyday after class I am re-evaluating how the class went due to his participation. If one method worked, it meant that the student from hell was engaged, and I often stuck with that method(There literally has been two classes where he was fully engaged). The days that some teaching methods were ineffective, according to his engagement, I would switch it up(I do this quite often). I feel as though, if he is not paying attention, neither is the rest of class. I feel as though if the student from hell likes the activity, so does the rest of the class. I know this to be NOT true!
But, every class period I find myself concerned for his attendance; part of me wants him to miss days so I may take off points, you know teach him a lesson; and part of me really wants his attitude to completely change because I want to see young Greek men break the stereotype and negative ideologies assigned to them; I want him to change because his attitude sucks. I get it, some people are not interested in Communication Studies. I get it, some people are in college for other reasons beyond education. I find myself constantly repeating in my mind as if the student from hell could hear my thoughts "I get it, but for now, could you not.".
I don't necessarily think that my heart is wrong for being invested in students and being upset that individual continues to choose to be excluded in the class community. However, my mind is not in the right place. When I focus on the "Student from hell" other students suffer. I tend to exclude students from the community because I am concerned with one learning style, one method of engagement, and one desirable interest regarding success. And although my students might never read this blog, I want to apologize to them. It's not fair that I let him get under my skin, it's not fair that I have 'come to Jesus' moments for the class because of him, and it's not fair that I let my passion for his success hinder my passion for other student's success. I'm sorry. I understand that I need to get back to focusing on the bigger picture.
Kevin,
ReplyDeleteI feel you with the soul-crushing workload problems. I also feel you with the student problems. Sometimes I feel like I have a whole class from hell. Their eyes are glued to their phones, they have distracting side conversations, and they stare at me with vacant expressions every time I ask them a question. The abyss stares back at me if you will. They even do this when their classmates are speaking, so I know it's not personal. However, I still feel like a failure when I am standing up in front of them trying to teach them about one of my greatest passions and they could not be less interested. I feel the sort of deep pain I imagine parents must feel when their children make self-destructive decisions. Some days it doesn't seem worth the effort and heartache. I need to follow your example and focus on the students who are actually willing to learn and not obsess over my own students from hell.
Kevin,
ReplyDeleteYou truly do care about your students, it's inspiring! In fact, I would argue that more teachers need to be like you. I also agree with Jayme when said said,"However, I still feel like a failure when I am standing up in front of them trying to teach them about one of my greatest passions and they could not be less interested. I feel the sort of deep pain I imagine parents must feel when their children make self-destructive decisions." This describes a feeling that I think many instructors have dealt with at least once before.
I commend you for still teaching with so much passion and care for your students, even if you find yourself focusing on only the "Student From Hell". You're an incredible teacher and I find it inspiring that you have, although they may never see it, given an apology to your students. It shows a lot about your moral character. I really look up to you as an instructor and as a friend.
Kevin,
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone in realizing you accidentally were ranking the effectiveness of your pedagogical methods and catering them to one Student from Hell. Your self-reflexivity on your classroom performance is such a strong quality any instructor could hope to have.
I especially felt drawn to the honesty and relatability of the last paragraph of your post. I have been just as guilty of those same actions at sometime or another, but recognizing that it happens is the first step to trying to combat it. Your students are lucky to have such a reflexive, charismatic instructor that cares about EVERY student, and not just the majority. I argue it's better to teach with your heart and potentially change even one students' life than to put in minimal effort and change none.
As always, #dontpanic. You are doing great and one Student from Hell is in no way a measure of your pedagogical passion and skill.
<3 Rudi
Kevin, let me just start by saying this... I FEEL YOU. Reading this I caught myself nodding my head thinking of one student in particular and every single thing you said rang true for me. Ever since day one, he comes in late, sits in the back, and drives me bonkers. I literally refer to him as my demon because I seriously feel like he came straight from the gates of Satan's kingdom.
ReplyDeleteYou made some really good points in your post that caused me to reflect on how I handle this student. Although I did not realize I was doing this until you said it, I too place a lot of attention on this student. I always go out of my way to make sure he's with us. You are 100% right that placing so much focus on one student has a negative effect on the others. I realize now that I can't force this student to pay attention, engage, or even pass. Even though it was never my intention, I can now definitely see how placing my student from hell on a pedestal ultimately puts my other students below him.
I think what you're feeling is totally normal- and I think the fact that you've recognized the problem you're having says a lot about the kind of teacher you are. I can clearly see how much you care about your students, even the demons! We could all learn a lot from you, Kev.
#keeponkeepinon #dontpanic
Kev, you sweet, sweet angel from above...
ReplyDeleteYour self-awareness is humbling and I admire that you realize your error of just catering to the "student from hell". When reading your posts, I felt your frustration and desire for your student to do well. I am aware that you were Greek and I understand that you have a soft spot for those who are apart of that sub culture. However, this is where our views differ.
I was also apart of the Greek community in my undergrad and similar to your views, I believe that they have a lot to offer from being Greek and have many opportunities that present themselves because of their participation in Greek life. However, I do not have a soft spot for them. Instead, I have a "tough love" approach when in comes to Greeks. They have every opportunity to succeed with the availability of tutors and library hours they must attend, and more. So why aren't they kicking ass in my class? or yours? I will admit, I have low tolerance for students who are disengaged. My best advice, which I'm sure you already know, is to keep teaching like you normally would. Facilitate different activities that speak knowledge to all different types of students, not just one.
Your concern for this student is important and I admire your passion for your students in general but I am also so thankful that you realize that it is about the bigger picture. "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink".
There is no doubt in my mind that you are an amazing teacher!