The Process Continues: My Journey in #TrustingTheProcess
Week 9? I cannot believe we are already at Week 9 of
Week 15. Halfway through my first semester of graduate school and teaching.
After my last blog post, I took some time to reflect on what I learned about
#TrustingTheProcess and how to continue to trust the process, even when it is
difficult to do so.
While I
cannot insert an image here like my incredible colleagues, I have decided to
use my creativity in a different way by posting a song about trusting myself
and never giving up and relating it back to the readings for Pedagogy and
Communication. I love music and wanted to incorporate my love of it and writing
into my blog. While the songs I pick do not always talk about trust, they are
inspirational in their own right. I hope to give you insight by relating them
back to the readings and how I #TrustTheProcess.
On her 2015 anthem “Fight Song,”
Rachel Platten sings about the ways in which her spirit was not broken and the
courage to keep going, even when circumstances could have easily prevented her
from finishing out her endeavor. In the chorus, Platten sings, “This is my
fight song, take back my life song, prove I’m allright song, my power’s turned
on, starting right now I’ll be strong, I’ll play my fight song, and I don’t
really care if no one else believes, ‘cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left
in me” (Platten, 2015, Chorus 2, Lyrics.com). I find this song very relatable to
#TrustingTheProcess in the aspect that like Rachel Platten, I sometimes lose faith
in my ability to be a graduate student and TA, but I always find my way. For
example, when Platten sings about how she has a lot of fight left in her
(Platten, 2015), I also feel that I have to just keep #TrustingTheProcess, no
matter how difficult it can get.
I struggled to write my Feminist Criticism proposal because
as you all already know, my abilities to make rhetorical arguments are not as
strong as they could be. However, I had a great conversation with my faculty
mentor that immediately put #TrustingTheProcess into perspective for me. I was
so worried about the ultimate evaluation and grade I would receive for Feminist
Criticism that I think I forgot that the learning is the most important thing
in the process. Of course, I want to do well, and I am striving to make a good
grade in all of my graduate courses, but #TrustingTheProcess of learning is the
most important component to learning. My mentor told me to put the grade aside
and that as long as I learn something important to take with me into the future,
everything else, including the grade I receive in Feminist Criticism, will work
itself out. Even if I learn how to be a critical scholar and trust myself
through the process and even if I never look at feminist theory again after
this, as long as I learned something valuable out of my experience, that is
what matters most. My faculty mentor reminded me to trust myself through that
conversation, and I am so thankful. So, while #TrustingTheProcess as a graduate
student, especially in Feminist Criticism, has been challenging, it is also a
work in progress, something that I continue to work on every day. In the end, I
know I will do well in the course because I care. Sometimes I ask myself if
participating and caring is enough, but then I remember that I am trying my best.
I need to trust myself and give myself a bit more compassion as I try to learn.
Over the last two weeks, I have become a bit better at #TrustingTheProcess,
although sometimes it still continues to trip me up. Like Platten sings though,
I will continue to fight through the bouts of doubt I feel to obtain my
master’s degree and also to continue to be the most effective TA for my
wonderful students, who give me hope for the next generation.
In
his book “The Courage to Teach,” Parker Palmer (1998/2007) states, Integrity
requires that I discern what is integral to my selfhood, what fits and what
does not—and that I choose life-giving ways of relating to the forces that
converge within me: Do I welcome them or fear them, embrace them or reject
them, move with them or against them? By choosing integrity, I become more
whole, but wholeness does not mean perfection. It means becoming more real by
acknowledging the whole of who I am.” (Palmer, 1998/2007, p. 14). I relate to
this quote for a number of reasons. First, in order to become a holistic
learner, I believe one must be honest with him, herself, or themselves. Palmer states that
one does not need to strive for perfection to become a holistic learner and
that being a holistic learner often means figuring out how to accept yourself
as you are in the context of teaching and learning. For me, a brand-new TA in
graduate school, I will make mistakes. But my integrity can never be unmatched,
as Palmer would argue. Therefore, when I mess up as a TA, which has not really
happened yet, I will find a way to bring my entire being into the situation to
make it right again. Honestly, I would consider myself a holistic learner. I
learn best when professors take my triumphs, mind, body, and soul into effect.
Palmer discusses holistic learning in the aspect that if his heart is not in
teaching, then good teaching simply cannot occur. Good teaching requires heart
and identity. Therefore, I always bring my heart and identity into my teaching.
I believe my students can tell a difference because I have received emails
thanking me for the support I offer students. My pedagogy involves holistic
learning and also room for trial and error.
As
a Teaching Assistant, I attempt to bring my entire heart into teaching my
students in COMM 1010. In a virtual environment, it is difficult to bring my whole
heart into teaching because I do not get to interact with my students and know
them as I would if I was teaching in person. However, I do the best I can, and
again, it’s just about me #TrustingTheProcess. If I stop now, nothing new will
be accomplished. Finally, I am slowly learning that it is okay to have days
where teaching and learning are tough. I’ve learned that not every day will be
an easy teaching or learning day, but if we all continue to #TrustTheProcess
and have faith that everything will work out, whether it is in classes that are
challenging us, holistic learning, bringing your identity into the classroom,
or teaching, we are all going to get through this sometimes bumpy but otherwise
fabulous semester together!
Here’s to continuing in #TrustingTheProcess,
never giving up, and continuing to learn.
Best,
Kendal
References
Bassett, D., & Platten, R. A.
(2015). Fight song. On Wildfire, New York, Columbia, February 15, 2015.
Link to Lyrics.com Rachel Platten Song: https://www.lyrics.com/track/31853065/Rachel+Platten/Fight+Song
Palmer, P. J. (1998/2007). The
courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life. San
Francisco: Wiley & Sons