The Process Continues

 

The Process Continues: My Journey in #TrustingTheProcess

 

              Week 9?  I cannot believe we are already at Week 9 of Week 15. Halfway through my first semester of graduate school and teaching. After my last blog post, I took some time to reflect on what I learned about #TrustingTheProcess and how to continue to trust the process, even when it is difficult to do so.

 

              While I cannot insert an image here like my incredible colleagues, I have decided to use my creativity in a different way by posting a song about trusting myself and never giving up and relating it back to the readings for Pedagogy and Communication. I love music and wanted to incorporate my love of it and writing into my blog. While the songs I pick do not always talk about trust, they are inspirational in their own right. I hope to give you insight by relating them back to the readings and how I #TrustTheProcess.

 

On her 2015 anthem “Fight Song,” Rachel Platten sings about the ways in which her spirit was not broken and the courage to keep going, even when circumstances could have easily prevented her from finishing out her endeavor. In the chorus, Platten sings, “This is my fight song, take back my life song, prove I’m allright song, my power’s turned on, starting right now I’ll be strong, I’ll play my fight song, and I don’t really care if no one else believes, ‘cause I’ve still got a lot of fight left in me” (Platten, 2015, Chorus 2, Lyrics.com). I find this song very relatable to #TrustingTheProcess in the aspect that like Rachel Platten, I sometimes lose faith in my ability to be a graduate student and TA, but I always find my way. For example, when Platten sings about how she has a lot of fight left in her (Platten, 2015), I also feel that I have to just keep #TrustingTheProcess, no matter how difficult it can get.

 

I struggled to write my Feminist Criticism proposal because as you all already know, my abilities to make rhetorical arguments are not as strong as they could be. However, I had a great conversation with my faculty mentor that immediately put #TrustingTheProcess into perspective for me. I was so worried about the ultimate evaluation and grade I would receive for Feminist Criticism that I think I forgot that the learning is the most important thing in the process. Of course, I want to do well, and I am striving to make a good grade in all of my graduate courses, but #TrustingTheProcess of learning is the most important component to learning. My mentor told me to put the grade aside and that as long as I learn something important to take with me into the future, everything else, including the grade I receive in Feminist Criticism, will work itself out. Even if I learn how to be a critical scholar and trust myself through the process and even if I never look at feminist theory again after this, as long as I learned something valuable out of my experience, that is what matters most. My faculty mentor reminded me to trust myself through that conversation, and I am so thankful. So, while #TrustingTheProcess as a graduate student, especially in Feminist Criticism, has been challenging, it is also a work in progress, something that I continue to work on every day. In the end, I know I will do well in the course because I care. Sometimes I ask myself if participating and caring is enough, but then I remember that I am trying my best. I need to trust myself and give myself a bit more compassion as I try to learn. Over the last two weeks, I have become a bit better at #TrustingTheProcess, although sometimes it still continues to trip me up. Like Platten sings though, I will continue to fight through the bouts of doubt I feel to obtain my master’s degree and also to continue to be the most effective TA for my wonderful students, who give me hope for the next generation.

 

              In his book “The Courage to Teach,” Parker Palmer (1998/2007) states, Integrity requires that I discern what is integral to my selfhood, what fits and what does not—and that I choose life-giving ways of relating to the forces that converge within me: Do I welcome them or fear them, embrace them or reject them, move with them or against them? By choosing integrity, I become more whole, but wholeness does not mean perfection. It means becoming more real by acknowledging the whole of who I am.” (Palmer, 1998/2007, p. 14). I relate to this quote for a number of reasons. First, in order to become a holistic learner, I believe one must be honest with him, herself, or themselves. Palmer states that one does not need to strive for perfection to become a holistic learner and that being a holistic learner often means figuring out how to accept yourself as you are in the context of teaching and learning. For me, a brand-new TA in graduate school, I will make mistakes. But my integrity can never be unmatched, as Palmer would argue. Therefore, when I mess up as a TA, which has not really happened yet, I will find a way to bring my entire being into the situation to make it right again. Honestly, I would consider myself a holistic learner. I learn best when professors take my triumphs, mind, body, and soul into effect. Palmer discusses holistic learning in the aspect that if his heart is not in teaching, then good teaching simply cannot occur. Good teaching requires heart and identity. Therefore, I always bring my heart and identity into my teaching. I believe my students can tell a difference because I have received emails thanking me for the support I offer students. My pedagogy involves holistic learning and also room for trial and error.

 

              As a Teaching Assistant, I attempt to bring my entire heart into teaching my students in COMM 1010. In a virtual environment, it is difficult to bring my whole heart into teaching because I do not get to interact with my students and know them as I would if I was teaching in person. However, I do the best I can, and again, it’s just about me #TrustingTheProcess. If I stop now, nothing new will be accomplished. Finally, I am slowly learning that it is okay to have days where teaching and learning are tough. I’ve learned that not every day will be an easy teaching or learning day, but if we all continue to #TrustTheProcess and have faith that everything will work out, whether it is in classes that are challenging us, holistic learning, bringing your identity into the classroom, or teaching, we are all going to get through this sometimes bumpy but otherwise fabulous semester together!

Here’s to continuing in #TrustingTheProcess, never giving up, and continuing to learn.

Best,

Kendal

 

References

 

Bassett, D., & Platten, R. A. (2015). Fight song. On Wildfire, New York, Columbia, February 15, 2015.

Link to Lyrics.com Rachel Platten Song: https://www.lyrics.com/track/31853065/Rachel+Platten/Fight+Song

Palmer, P. J. (1998/2007). The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life. San Francisco: Wiley & Sons