#thanksforcomingtomyTEDtalk

If you asked me a year ago what I thought I would be doing after graduation, I would have told you I was looking for a job in nonprofit communication and not considering graduate school. And the thought of teaching? Not even on my radar. After years of watching my parents come home from teaching, listening to the war stories shared between my aunts and them, teaching was something I never thought I would want to do as a profession. I don't know if y'all have felt it yet, but this stuff is HARD. And talking to thirty students for an hour all by myself, at least twice a day? Past-Payton could not handle the truth.

I don't know if you've noticed yet, but I can be pretty quiet. Not shy... I think I grew out of this general communication apprehension 4 years and a communications degree later. But I wouldn't rank public speaking as one of my top ten favorite things to do. Maybe not even the top 100. While I have the skill set and knowledge to approach any speech or presentation confidently, I've never been able to get over this public speaking anxiety that has consumed me for years. 

First, it started when I forgot the words to a solo I sang in church. And then in sixth grade, my apprehension got worse as I spoke up in class and was ridiculed by my teacher for having the wrong answer (or at least I thought). I grew less shy throughout high school, but it wasn't until I got to college that I truly became confident in my ability to communicate with and in front of others well. 

As I start a new "journey", one I never thought I would, I have to admit - I was pretty nervous to teach. Not only did I have very little teaching experience, despite the support and encouragement from my undergraduate professors, but public speaking just wasn't something I thought I could do everyday. Everyone was right when they said you can't really prepare enough for what you'll expect in the classroom until you're finally there. After the first day, and my realization that I would be doing this again, twice a week, for 15 weeks, it became easier to move past being nervous and focus on the task at hand.

While it definitely isn't always that easy to overcome communication anxiety, Dannels discussion of the question "how do I manage communication anxieties" was helpful not only in encouraging students how to overcome anxiety but encouraging to myself, the teacher! My favorite piece of advice from this chapter was the classic "fake it til you make it" idea, but with an interesting twist. Dannels said, "you might not feel confident, but if you speak confidently and with passion for your topic and if you find your confidence gifts, you not only begin to assure your students that you are not afraid (and are confident), but you also begin to convince yourself" (p. 88). 

As I continue to teach my students about communication anxiety as they finish their big impromptu speech presentations, I am thankful for my experiences and the very long journey I have had to get me here - at a place where I am ok with teaching in front of a class full of students, and enjoying it more each day. I hope my stories can not only teach them, but encourage them to engage in this opportunity to grow as communicators, and we can only really do this by COMMUNICATING! (how meta)

If you asked me today what I want to do after graduation, well... I don't know what I would say. It's only the seventh week after all! But I can say that I've already watched myself grow (and fail) tremendously and I am so thankful for this experience.

Payton

#thanksforcomingtomyTEDtalk