My second post shared my favorite chakra, anahata. I am not feeling hurt, or broken... yet, but I do feel stuck. I feel oppressed by my workload, and even more oppressed by my own judgement of the work I am drudging through. I don't trust myself to produce anything with spark, because I feel out of balance in so many ways. Meaning is hallow when the glow of my monitor is more familiar than other people's faces.
My third post embraced self-expression. Yeah, check back in a week. The thing I look forward to most is discussing hegemony with my 1010 Classes. I'm not sure if the penny activity is refreshing by comparison to listening to my own words all day, or if I have really experienced a profound shift in self-description. I'm hoping for the best in myself and my students, and I imagine most of my misgivings will be met with relief.
Last week I dedicated more time than I should have to family, the theme of my fourth and fifth posts. Engaging with my past and communal responsibilities required an unusual yielding of control for this overstriver, but at least my more recent performances have been motivated by something other than fear and self-preservation. I can confidently say that feminist and critical pedagogy renewed the world around me. While some things that once defined me slip away, I find more hope in others than I expected. I'm still not convinced that my voice is worth all of the effort the next week will require, but I'm satisfied by the transformation of my heart, and I hope that it makes a difference.
I definitely relate to this so well. First, because I too can eat an entire large pizza by myself in one sitting. And second, because I definitely feel stuck in my work. I love your voice throughout all of this subject matter. I've had the honor and pleasure of having all of my classes this semester with you and I can honestly say that your perspective has opened my eyes and given me new direction. I am in the same boat with all of the stress and work load but my conversations with you have helped me figure out the end of the semester and feel more grounded.
ReplyDeleteI managed to eat and entire pizza right now, so I'm glad we're all on the same page. I can't explain how much I relate to this because we're all busy, but you should know you're doing your best and your students probably see that. As for the workload, you can do it because you've done it before. You always find a way to relieve stress in my life, and I want you to know you're going to power through this. Just think of the weight off your shoulders once you submit your last assignment.
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