Life Experiences Make For Good Pedagogy

To be completely honest, I'm typing this last blog post with tears streaming down my face because I don't have time to cry and not get my work done #BerryBlues. I'm tired. I'm broke. I have so much to write and I'm probably dehydrated, and crying isn't helping much, I'm sure. To summarize my issues to one sentence: I'm in graduate school.

I figured this last blog post would be a wrap up of what I've experienced this past semester, but I'm going to be honest, I'm going to use this as a way to release. Because as Sarah would say, I have feelings. I promise this will still relate to pedagogy, and not be a ton of paragraphs of my venting. Palmer says your truth is your reality. Right now, my truth is that I'm a super stressed and tired graduate student who has to wake up in the morning and teach students and then write most of the day. I'm going to make it though. This semester has definitely been a learning experience, but I can't tell you what I've learned quite yet. I've had to process so much information this semester that I think it'll take me until next semester to have a clear understanding of what I learned and how that will apply to my pedagogy. Coming to that realization, I realized something: your pedagogy is a journey, and will change and mold over time. Experiences, they shape who we are in all aspects, and our pedagogy is the same.

 In the 10th grade, I took a Pre-AP Physics course with an instructor who cared way more about his cross country team than a bunch of kids trying to understand physics. The class was ridiculously hard, because DUH, physics and he didn't really care. I've always been a studious and academic driven person, so I studied my little butt off for this course! I remember vividly of getting a test handed back with an A on it! I was so happy and proud of myself. My instructor then went on to tell me "I was very impressed with this score, especially for a girl!"

When I got hired for my previous job, I was tasked to "explain why my job was needed and necessary" to a board room filled with 10 +  older, and mostly white men. I was ripped to shreds one month into my job at that board meeting, and I sat down with tears in my eyes after my presentation. I had never felt more humiliated in my life. One person came up to me after the meeting to say they thought I did a good job and to "Not give up." The rest avoided eye contact with me and didn't shake my hand. The next day at work my co-workers looked at me with sympathy. I told myself then that "I'll never be enough."

At the same job, I sat in a meeting with a board member who asked me frankly, "How much alcohol did I drink on the weekends?" because he was uncomfortable with giving me access to post on the organizations behalf on Facebook. He had never met me before. My own personal Facebook was clean of any night life activities. He made an assumption about me. I was told later by my management that I should have "defended myself." I continued to be bullied by this same man throughout the duration of my position and was told consistently that he "just wanted to feel important and to not take his comments and tactics to heart." The bullying only stopped when another person in power outside of the organization called him out on his behavior. I got a "You're doing a great job. Keep up the great work," followed with an avoidance for the duration of my position.

These are all examples of moments that have given me a reason. These moments have hurt me. They have made me cry and they have made me feel unworthy. What do I have to do? I can't change who I am. Sexism. Racism. I grew up hearing that I had "two strikes," one strike for being a woman, and another for being black. I was told I'd have to work twice as hard to get half of what others had. My experiences shape me in my friendships, relationships, and also in the classroom. I had to share all of that, one for myself, because I needed to be reminded WHY IM HERE. Why did I show up to UNT for a Masters degree? Because I have to work twice as hard. Be the best I can be in every SINGLE way that I can. Challenge myself. Push myself. #BerryBlues

Sure! We may love Dewey, bell hooks, and even Fish, but their experiences are not ours. I don't foresee myself being in academia full time, but I do know that what I love about teaching is the connections and the guidance I'm able to give to my students. I am more concerned with the impact than what they memorize for an exam. What activities in Kimberly's classroom impacted that student who couldn't face his privilege? Or the student who felt like they weren't validated? These are the things that students remember. I don't want my students to walk away from my class feeling defeated and drained, like I have in so many classrooms and in other experiences. My pedagogy surrounds itself around the concept of "walking a way a little bit higher than you came in." Although some students may feel beaten down initially when they have to sit and listen about what privilege and power are. Eventually those concepts allow to help others feel a little bit "higher."

My message to you friends, is that allow your story to guide you. To guide your actions and decisions. Let it guide your pedagogy and how you not only interact with students, but interact with other human beings.

Shine bright, don't let anyone try to dim your light.

Peace and Love.

#TheReal

No CAP!

Pedagogy and Activism

Now that the semester is coming to a close, I have learned way more than I originally anticipated. For instance, seeing that I had no intention of becoming a teacher EVER, I am surprisingly good at it. However, the following claim may be different after SPOT evals so I am going to continue to claim it until then. We finished out the semester discussing popular culture in the classroom as a way of learning and we also read about pedagogy and activism. More specifically, Critical Pedagogy and Activism better known as CAP and CCP, which Critical Communication Pedagogy. The two are similar but still different in their own way. Given that we all read the article I won’t go into the definition of either, however, given what I now know I can tell that I would have a CCP approach to my classroom. I want to bring awareness to an issue that makes my students question the other cultures. This is a solid approach because given the age group that I work with, and the exposure that will inevitable get is something that I would like to have a hand in.

NO CAP!

Accordding to urbandictionary.com, No Cap means no lie which is the truth. Some ways that this phrase is used: This class was the best ever, no cap!

 

No cap is a pop culture reference and is usually used to show how truthful someone is being about a given subject. For popular culture in the classroom through activism is something that I would use in my upper division classes once they have an idea of some of the struggles and problems that we all face today. Last week in 1010 we had our first discussion about privilege, oppression, stereotypes, and power, this week is something I dreaded last semester because I have been in a class where things like this can be taken in the wrong way, thus causing majority of the class to lose the entire point of the discussion or activity. However, it was something that needed to get done and once again it went better than I expected. Together we all learned something new that sparked questions during the debrief section. The class was open to talking about religion, privilege, and class without stepping on toes but remaining true to themselves and others.

When I say that this semester has been one for the books, I mean it. No cap.

Thoughts on ending my first semester of teaching (and the Three E's of my pedagogy)

Wow.
I can't believe I'm even able to write that title. I definitely never saw myself teaching at the college level (wow, again), even as an assistant. The things that I've done and learned this year in pedagogy have boggled my mind a little, and sometimes I don't know if I've learned more from my time in class on Tuesday nights or from my time at the front of the classroom. It's been nothing short of intimidating trying to use the thoughts and writings of so many great minds in my little classroom.

Now I have one week of classes left with my students, and I want to leave them with something really good. Something that will combine absolutely every single thing I have learned over this semester, like a giant perfect-pedagogy-communication-smoothie.

Ok, that's a little optimistic, but I do want to use this one last chance (until the spring) to use what I've learned this semester to benefit my students. In this last message on language, culture, and power, I want to leave them with a few things.
1. I want to encourage them. I want to let them know that their voice has power if they believe it does, and if they use the techniques that they've learned. I want to encourage them to keep learning, because someone who can only learn in a classroom isn't really learning at all.
2. I want to enlighten them. I want to at least begin to chip away at the iceberg of making them aware of the issues that they will face in the world, as well as the issues others around them will face that they may not see.
3. I want to equip them. I want them to have the tools they need to be rhetors for a better world. I would label these tools as: a curiosity about the world and communication, a compassion and empathy for the issues of others, and a competency with communication - how to construct a speech, get attention, build an argument, and spot rhetorical messages.

If I'm being honest with myself, not all of my students are going to leave my class with all of this. In fact, if I'm lucky, a few may walk out at the end of the semester with just a couple pieces. But I think I can live with that, as long as someone else can pick up the torch from there and keep helping my students build their knowledge and their world semester after semester. And, hey, I'm still pretty new at this. I'm only human. I know I won't be perfect at it...
Until next semester.

See all of you wonderful pedagogues in the spring.
#Highclass🎩

That Slippery Thing Called Trust

Trust is a tricky thing. People say, "Do you trust me?" as though trust is an all-encompassing concept. I trust you not to poison my food, but I don't trust you to successfully perform heart surgery...

We have to trust students, and there are a lot of advantages that come from trusting them. If we don't trust students, they won't trust us, and if we do trust them, they will often try to live up to that trust. However, there are always those that will take advantage of it. This is why trust is a tricky balancing act. Putting trust in my students has come up far more often than I expected it to. Having no idea what to expect when I started the semester, I came in thinking this would be a fairly simple relationship. I should have known better, having been a student myself, but I was always pretty darn honest with my professors, so having to discern when to trust students and when to call bs wasn't really on my radar.
However, I recently checked my role sheet, found a student's name on it, and didn't see the student anywhere. I hadn't seen him come in at the beginning of class, but he sits at the back, so there was a chance that he had come in, signed it, and left. While the idea of that pissed me off, it was better in my mind at least than the only other alternative I saw, which was that someone else was signing in for him. I scratched his name off the list and sent him a warning email after class. He claimed that no one else was signing in for him, and I warned him not to sign in anymore unless he planned to stick around. And finally, I told him I trusted him not to do it again. That doesn't mean that I wasn't still checking the role sheets, but I truly didn't expect to see any problems anymore.
And I didn't. In fact, while I expected to see neither him nor his name (as his attendance record had been pretty miserable) he actually started showing up to class more regularly after that and started sticking around. Now that the media analysis papers are in, I have a lot of high plagiarism scores, and my ability to walk the fine, slippery line of trust with my students is going to be tested all over again.

#Highclass 🎩 #Zettelthiswithwords

Reflexivity at 80 MPH

Like many of us, I drive to school.  The difference is that between school and home, I roll up between 400 and 500 miles a week on The Bunny (that’s my car’s name).  I said “roll up” because I have an old timey sense of cars and still think they have rolling odometers.

This unholy FUCK of a drive costs me from 10 to 12 hours a week.  10 to 12 hours a week that I can’t spend reading, writing, or prepping.  When y’all think you’re tired, I am more tired.  Nothing could be more worth it than my education; my “way up”.

The Bunny’s a quick little beast, too.  Close to me, protective, loyal, trustworthy.  I have cried more tears and felt more feelings within the confines of my little car than any other ride of my life.  I just show her the key and she’s ready to go—vroom!!

Seeing the Speed Limit “70” sign creep by at less than five miles per hour during rush hours is a disheartening sight.  Glowing red tail lights stretching PAST the horizon.  I’ve seen some things.  These are actual photos from my commutes this semester and that's a screenshot of an afternoon it took 47 minutes to drive the last 13 miles to my home.  FUCKED.

Road time teaches me about negotiation; a learned and earned skill.  I can spot “late behaviors” like speeding and tailgating for what they are—panics.  I remember engaging in late behaviors and being white-knuckle afraid of losing my job if I was late.  #pleasedon’t

All that time alone on the road is my time for reflexivity—about my teaching and my own studies.  I was angry about commuting, but now that I’m relocating to Denton, it seems better—at least in my mind.  Somehow, through the grace of my inner-self (which I am discovering); I realized, “If I am hard on myself, it will only make things HARDER ON MYSELF.”  It was like an epiphany.  “Epiphy-what?”

I could feel my shoulders immediately melting down away from my ears.  My neck returned to its vertical position, back from the assumed attentive, craned-forward posture.  The end is near—only 529 days till graduation—assuming the Spring 2020 cohort walks the stage on May 9, 2020.  

#fromthefrontdesk

Turning the Wheels with Pop Culture

Engaging students has been the most difficult task for me to overcome in my first semester of teaching. I try to present new concepts with energy and excitement, but almost every student in the class looks like they are waiting out the clock. The few times that I can see their eyes spark up is when I bring something new into the class atmosphere, and using pop culture that they know and recognize enhances the effect even further. I've tried to tap into a little bit of this interest with the questions on my sign in sheets. Answering a question about their favorite tv show to binge helps pull their mind up from when-is-this-class-going-to-be-over mode. Sometimes I've been able to lead these questions into my lessons which has always caught a positive response.

I realized too late that I had not been utilizing this tool enough, though. I took a page from Rowdy's book after watching his class, and played some advertisements for my students to analyze. That was my best class. Even though they hadn't seen the ads before, and even though they didn't particularly like them, it resonated with them as relevant and important, and I hadn't yet seen my students so engaged. Early in the semester it felt like I had so much to fit in and so little time to do it, and I was afraid that anything I was bringing in was detracting from precious learning time, but now I wish that I could go back and start taking a bit of time each class to give the students some pop culture fragment to lead them into the lesson, because I've found that the interest it sparks can carry over for a whole class (or at least most of it.) Just a taste of something from their out-of-class world could keep their gears turning for quite a while, and I was able to redirect some of that interest and energy toward learning communication.
Next semester I am going to challenge myself to take something entertaining from the front page of reddit, imgur, or youtube every day of class, present it at the beginning, and find a way to work it into the lesson for the day.
#Highclass 🎩

Acting on Activism

Hi y'all!

If you're close to me, you know activism is something I've been passionate about for a long time.

I interned as a social justice research intern for a non-profit who's main goal was to fight against
police brutality, and knowing that I was involved in trying to make a change gave me a sense of fulfillment that not much else has. I believe this real world and hands-on experience A.K.A putting my money where my mouth was, helped enhance my education in so many invaluable ways.

In Enck's chapter, I loved how she said she was drawn to CAP, because of its commitment to having students involved in first person activism. I was especially excited by her bringing up service learning, because its something that I'm most passionate about and hope to be involved in and have my students involved in as well in the future. Knowing you possess the power to change the world for the better through your actions is something I know ignites excitement for many of us. This is where activism can be initiated, leading into creating real change.

Before I found my place in the COMM department, I was a Psychology/ Sociology major. One of my Sociology classes was called social issues. In this class we were required to have an entire service learning project that we did throughout the semester. We had to have 12 hours with a local organization and actually volunteer and help with issues we cared about. I chose to volunteer at a hospice and elderly home, because during that time in my college career, I had learned about the lack of interaction they received with people who did not work at the facility. I did not initially think my life would be changed as much as it did after that first day.

I got to actually spend time and learn from the people that I hoped to help. Having a sense of agency and not just 'sitting around' and being sad with no actual action. This experience enhanced my life in multiple ways, so much so that I continued volunteering at that hospice for years after that class ended before I moved away. Feeling fulfilled and understanding that I can make the change and affect people in a positive way through positive actions made me feel like I was in the right space. I think having hands on work and activism is a vital aspect in the academic sphere. It allows students to have interaction with all that they read, learn, and research about. Putting the 'academic' sphere and their 'personal' sphere together in activism allows connections to be made that will benefit their overall educational experience.

My #lightningboldt is that service learning is something that I hope to implement in classes that I may teach in the future and also classes that I may be enrolled in as a student.

Do you guys have any service learning experiences you feel that you've benefitted from?

'cause you're a good girl and you know it

Howdy folks!

So, the Bell and Golombisky article really had me reevaluating my entire academic experience. 

Throughout my life, I have been very extroverted in my "outside" life, but in academic settings, I always tended to be more reserved. It felt like I needed to be silent and listen to please those who I believed actually had the knowledge to speak on a topic. I knew I had a need to please figures of authority and always assumed being quiet and listening to them speak would enhance my educational experience. I've been driven to not make anything less than an A, and if I received a B, I was my harshest critic. The story in the article about the girl coming into the teacher's office and crying because she got a C really resonated with me. My parents would try and coax my worries and say "A 'B' is still good!", but to me, it wasn't good enough. 

I felt like this article was almost directly speaking to me in so many ways, because I found myself not often offering the original ideas I had though of in class. When I did participate, it often focused on agreeing with a statement before me, or following on the same track someone else brought up. Looking back on this version of myself, it makes me sad to see I didn't find value in my own ideas and contributions.

 I'm still working on being comfortable with interrupting other people, or realizing that my voice has the same value as everyone else in the class. I've become more comfortable with asserting myself and my opinions in an academic setting in the later part of my undergrad, and now in grad school, but I still have trouble finding my place in the class and when it comes to speaking up.

During my time as an instructor, I have seen some of my students act in a way reminiscent of my younger self. My mission as their instructor is to allow them the space to speak and contribute their own ideas. The pay-to-speak in class strategy is something I really hope to implement in the future for classes where there is a certain student, or few students monopolizing the conversation. I also hope to invite some of the quieter students, probably girls, to offer ORIGINAL ideas that are not based on agreeing with someone else. 

My #lightningboldt this week was to see how much I've grown in my academic life. I'm proud of the students and instructor I've become now being more comfortable with my abilities in both scenarios. Do you think you would ever use the pay-to-speak and talking tallies in your classroom, why or why not? 

lightningboldt OUT!!

Closing Time

Well, folks! It's the end of the semester! We're two-point-five weeks out from our last day of our first semester (Sarah, Garrett, and Shannon's first YEAR), and I've learned so much!

While I don't think I've completely figured out my pedagogy just yet, I've got a pretty good basis. I've been practicing the things I resonate with in our readings. For example!!

I am so swamped with homework and papers to write and articles to read and I feel like I have no time for anything! But I also have so much to grade. I prided myself at the beginning of the semester for keeping a good turnaround time on grades - even though I've got 50 students in 2140 delivering speeches for me to watch and grade, as well as 10 students in 3010 submitting poorly edited 10 page papers every two-ish weeks. But I was managing!! Until No-Time November hit, and then I felt like an 18-wheeler slammed into me.

#TaleFromTheHall time! I told my students it would take me some time to get through all 50 of their 5-7 minute speeches, as I've gotten a little behind and have my own things to do to ensure I can continue to attend grad school. TRANSPARENCY and VULNERABILITY. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't - but it does help ease some of the pressure. I had most of my students tell me not to sweat it and that they could wait for those grades (I think they were worried about them), and then I have some students who think I can't hear them say that they wish I would just hurry up and grade already.

But for the most part, the students have been very understanding and appreciative of my honesty and transparency with them, which is nice. I've also been taking care to really prop up and support the few of my students who haven't felt the need to tell me that they're "just here for the grade", by telling these students how smart they are and encouraging them to keep working and producing great work. I've even recommended a few to look into grad school to keep their spark ignited.

I'm so excited watching these brilliant students learn and find passion in what we're teaching them. I remember those feelings vividly and I want to support others who feel them too. I think this is one of the most important things we can do as teachers. Keep encouraging those students who want to be here, and try to reach those who think they don't want to be here. Help them find their passion. Be the friendly face. I had professors who did this for me, and now I can do this for others and #SoCanYou.

Laters, baby
Kassie

The Confessional Narratives: A Critical Intervention

Until I came to UNT, I was the product of a semi-rural, traditional, conservative Texas education.  I learned and knew my role exceptionally well:  good attendance and grades (except when I rebelled), speaking when called upon in church and school (for the most part), and minding my manners (usually).  Comply now, complain later.  Docile.  Colonized.

I went to UNT for my undergraduate—100% online.  UNT’s Bachelor of Applied Arts and Sciences was a good option for me after working in government and big show business.  Theory and the social sciences set me free.  This is my first semester on a college campus since 2009, but I’d been to Denton before.  In my past life as a Jehovah’s Witness, I helped build that big Assembly Hall out on 380, west of Denton (14542 US-380, Krum, TX 76249).  I knew “Little D” was like Waco (where I grew up), but with jazz.  Long before Magnolia.

I feel like a refugee in college.  I’m here to get my future right; to open doors that would have otherwise been barred by educational requirements at future jobs I already want.  Education is my “way up”.

On arriving to campus, I immediately noticed the jarring contrast of the effects of UNT’s liberal education, and the protracted effects of traditional, conservative education.  I consistently observe that materially privileged students from non-liberal collegiate backgrounds can be dangerously oblivious to their colonialist tendencies.  They stand around inspecting, as if surveying a future colony; getting my attention and delaying the question; loudly asking too-personal questions and not listening to the answer.  All while withholding eye contact.  The strangest, disturbingly fucking bizarre interpersonal communication of my entire life.

I will, however, proffer that UNT’s neo-imperialists may be too naïve and inexperienced to understand that their behaviors oppress others.  They may not perceive themselves as behaving unethically due to their tremendous lack of self-awareness.  Their lived experiences may not have taught them any degree of social finesse.  Perhaps they’ve never been challenged in their narrow world view, and simply cannot understand that communicative humility will serve them much better than petulant entitlement. 

I am the redeeming voice that was stolen from my enslaved and converted ancestors, yet I silence myself in classroom settings where I believe my ideas will be appropriated—real talk: stolen!  This is not imaginary.  It has already happened to me this semester!

What would bell hooks say?  I believe she would encourage me to name my pain and tell me to stop being complicit in my own domination.  She offers me deep comfort in Teaching to Transgress:

“Fear and anger about appropriation…have led black [and brown] women to withdraw from feminist settings where we must have extensive contact with white women.  Withdrawal exacerbates the problem: it makes us complicit in a different way (p 105).  Painfully clear biases...distort education so that it is no longer about the practice of freedom (p. 29).  Though the call for sisterhood [is] often motivated by sincere longing to transform the present…there [is] no attempt to acknowledge history, or the barriers that might make such bonding difficult, if not impossible” (p. 102).

Belonging is a verb.  Belonging begins with extending basic courtesies and continues through reciprocity.  Become humbly aware of how your words and actions affect the marginalized other.

Please do not minimize experiences you haven’t lived.