"My fear that I am teaching poorly may be not a sign of failure but evidence that I care about my craft" (Palmer, 2007, pg. 39). During this semester, fear is a meal consumed far too often by me. The main dish is fear that I am a fraud but I sometimes work in a side dish of fear of the topic or fear of my students. The quote stated above is a comfort to me, not just because it validates how I feel, but also to know that there are countless others who have walked this road before me and survived. Teaching is not for everyone. Some choose to leave the profession and some choose to stay when they should leave. It has been a long time aspiration of mine to teach and I find comfort in Palmer's idea that fear is a healthy, sometimes needed, element to a teaching career.
In my semester of #trysomethingnew, fear of the unknown is a given. Reassurance is found in the idea that collaborative learning, with my students, is encouraged. Where I fall short is the notion that it is ok for me to tell a student "I don't know. I'll check on that." or to admit to them "That is an angle I had not thought of." Being a teacher does not mean being infallible. At this point in the semester, with the readings we have done and with the stories from the classroom, I know that being a teacher means being humble.
Reading The Courage to Teach brought to light that students are afraid too. During this semester, my thought process never settled on the fact that our students are in a new situation, with a new instructor, and with new classmates as well and they may also be afraid. Comfort is found in mutual fear. It is an element that bonds us if we admit that it exists and we use the energy generated from it to move us forward.
I am afraid... Of failure, of being "found out", of letting my students down, of saying or doing the wrong thing. With my #trysomethingnew and fear in hand, I will walk in to the classroom this morning and do my best with my authentic self because I do love teaching. I hope it is enough.
I can relate to this post on an extremely personal level. I always felt that as a teacher or leader of a classroom, I need to be able to prepare for all situations and "know it all". However, Palmer also made me feel better by reminding me that, we are humans! Not super-humans Becca, but humans that teach. I had a very hard time saying the simple words "I don't know" in the classroom, but I am learning that it is okay to not know! In fact, I think this has made me more "real" to my students, and has allowed my students to see me as more approachable. Let's embracing being humans together, and allow our classroom to be a place of co-creation. We can do this! <3
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