this is farewell.

 

Oct. 14, 8:42 PM

Oct. 20, 10:34 PM

Oct 26., 12:16 AM 

Nov. 2, 7:35 PM

Nov. 3, 10:14 PM

Nov. 15, 10:49 PM

Last Wednesday, Nov 17, 8:53 PM

This is it. The only thing left are papers to deliver in, papers to grade, and people to say goodbye to. It's strange. Not being in the space anymore once everyone leaves. I doubt the freedom that Freire and hooks believed could be a reality would take shape only after leaving education. Not taking the same paths every night home, reaching for the key to the front door with a heavy frame and heavy heart. Now, I'm not going to see this place as a daily occurrence. 

Do you remember the beginning of this semester? Everything in lush green, the drive of an hour up to Denton didn't feel as long. The picture taken that still hangs outside the TA space. I don't recognize that person anymore. 4 months felt like 4 days and 4 years at the same time. 

I remember this line from the original Korean "The Good Doctor" show. "My hope is that you'll get better, and that I will never have to see you here like this again". Teaching is the same way. We want to build rapport, see them grow, and yet have to watch them grow and sometimes fade away into little more than impressions of a memory. Soon enough, my time here will be like the paths I had to walk every night, forgotten yet felt. 

#LifeGoesOn. Don't linger too much. We have to start again soon. The next mission. I had this illusion as a child, that once you've gained something you wouldn't have to work as hard to maintain it. physics seemed to support that notion. But the reality of the modern human is that there is also another task to take on. Always. Until the end of time. Until we explode away from sheer exhaustion. We are quite unsatisfied creatures. We keep doing what we are, without clear motivation in the present moment. We've talked of the practicality needed to teach students - motivation, engagement, Dannels' questions for teachers. The most important question, similarly with other fields, is how we are still doing this work?

At the end of this semester, I found the answer. I see it in the spark in professors eyes. When we tell them something funny and they laugh at it. A student answers a question coreectly after a semester of not participating in class. When a student says, after more than 2 decades, something that the teacher has never heard before and it sounded immediately like a genius concept. Watching them grow and change, and discover something about themselves. 

But its there too when a teachers' heart falls apart. A professor of mine told me one time she ran into a former student, and how that student became homeless after graduating. She said that she felt like she failed as a teacher. I imagine there are those rough days, as well as the good days. We do it because we feel alive while doing it. We became a part of a larger process, if we can of course overcome the classist pedagogy of the nesting dolls of power. Teaching, really, is about leaving behind trails for others. My hope then, as a teacher, is to make sure students in their academic careers will only see these images above as images, and not something that they personally live through.            

Self-care; A narrative

 For this final blog post of the semester, the focus I want to take is self-care. 

Self-care at its core simply means to take care of oneself. The difficulty of this, however, is that many people do this in a variety of different ways. 

If you ask a person “what is self-care?”, they will respond with their own personal anecdote, silently altering the question to “what is self-care to you?”. This is why it is imperative to have many different perspectives on what it means to enact self-care, so that you can see how many others do it and the impact that it has on them. 

This post is a part of my personal story and journey on how I am using self-care in my life, the importance it has to me, and how a wikihow article about self-care got me to understand practices that I take in my daily life are inhibiting my ability to effectively practice “self-care” onto myself. Or, more precisely, how I have grown to make my own emotions and mental health #Rellevent. 

According to wikihow article “How to Practice Self Care”, they listed out four different methods with each containing particular examples to enact that method- 

1. Practice emotional self-care

2. Practice physical self-care

3. Practice professional self-care

4. Improving your approach to self-care

The part that stuck out to me in this post is Method 4- Improving your approach to self-care- with its four additional steps;

1. Put your own needs first

2. Ask for help when you need it

3. Say “no” and set limits with others

4. Practice time management

At first, I had been inclined to disbelieve this wikihow article’s ability to understand ways that I could improve my approach to self-care, or that it wouldn’t teach me anything new. I was pleasantly surprised to admit that I had not thought of these things particularly as steps to “improve” my ability to take care of myself, even though it seems rather obvious now. 

An additional thing that struck me was that it was very timely in my own life- as a TA, a grad student, a partner, a family member, and a friend. 

Even though I would like to think that I practice these four things daily, I have caught myself slacking. In my mind, it is a fallacy to believe that I can actually enact positive self-care (and it be effective) without actively practicing these things in my daily life. 

Putting my needs first- 

• I think of how this decision would affect OTHERS more than I think about how it affects MYSELF.

• I seem to place my success on the success of others; like a mom, if others succeed, that is enough for me. I don’t have to succeed and feel accomplished if others are able to live that for me.

• I put my job before my health- Even when I fracture my foot, it is hard for me to say “I need to stay home and get better”, because I know I am inconveniencing others by doing that.

• I always feel bad when there is something I want to do/need to do, because of course there are others that need something/want something else more. 

Asking for help when I need it-

• I do ask for help, but sometimes when you are in an environment where everyone seems to know what they are doing, asking for help can feel like a challenge to your legitimacy.

• When I am teaching I feel that if I ever ask for help it makes me look stupid, though I need it sometimes; like when I can’t reach the rope that pulls down the projector screen.

• With my family, I feel that it emphasizes my “youngest-child” nature when I ask for help. Because my siblings always use my dad as a scape-goat for whenever things go wrong, I tend to not ask for help financially 

Saying “no” and setting limits with others

• It is hard to say no when others need help. Especially when the first two things on the list are not happening, I am unable to say no without apologizing or submitting to what was asked of me. 

Practice Time Management

• I am actually very good at this, however, most of my “free time” is spent with others, because I don’t feel like I have anything better to do by myself. 

Everything I just mentioned has room for reflection. Once I am able to overcome these by whatever steps I feel comfortable with, I will be more able to take the steps of self care that I need to feel better mentally, physically, and socially. 

I will put myself first, even if it may mean inconveniencing someone if I need it. 

I will learn how to ask for help if I need it, even if it hurts my legitimacy.

I will become better at saying no WITHOUT apologizing.

I will make time for myself.

My roles as a grad student, teaching assistant, partner, friend, and family member should not impede my growth as a person. Those that understand (or want to in the least) will be able to see that if I have to set up boundaries or take time for myself, that it is not me trying to do so at the expense of others' time and happiness.

 

I will live my life for myself.

This is the foundation that I will use to build my self-care up. 

My experiences are #Rellevent.

My emotions are #Rellevent.

I am #Rellevent.

Disclaimer: This is a personal narrative of mine and it is my hope that anyone who relates to this can more effectively initiate their own self-care routine in their daily life. It is not meant to be a “one-stop-shop” for all self-care tactics and should not be taken as gospel, for it is centered around my experiences. It is up to the individual initiating their self-care routine to find out what works for them, which takes time! I recommend reading more articles/blogs about different ways of enacting self-care to find the ways that suit your lifestyle. Utilize the links below to find those ways. Although this post is not grounded within any particular text from this semester, I believe that any of the scholars which we have read would attest to the importance and impact that utilizing these tips can help lead to effect self-reflection and reflexivity, leading to a better ability for people to tackle the challenges which they note in their works.

https://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Self-Care# 

https://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/self-care-teachers 

https://www.waterford.org/education/teacher-self-care-activities/ 

https://www.mghclaycenter.org/stress/9-self-care-tips-for-teachers/ 

https://www.everydayhealth.com/self-care/ 

https://www.activeminds.org/about-mental-health/self-care/

My Teaching Influences

For my final post I thought it would be appropriate to recognize those that influenced my pedagogy, the lessons they taught me, and how it relates to theory we have discussed in class. There are a number of people who had a real impact on my life and have encouraged me to pursue teaching. In one way or another I owe my decisions this year to these people.

I certainly wouldn't have ever considered teaching without the influence my parents had on me. My father was a community college professor for 40 years and cared deeply about making a real and lasting impact on his students lives. I remember him bringing me to classes, to his office, and walking around the halls of Eastfield Community College. He would often bring home stories of students or situations that we could all learn from. He always acted in true solidarity with his students who were marginalized, and often helped them in ways that weren't solely academic. He is constantly reminding me to form a true bond with students, and get to know them personally. He has probably never read Freire, but represents the concepts Freire proposes wholeheartedly. My mother has also worked in education for the last decade or so. When I was an undergrad she worked in the admissions department of the SMU graduate school, and I was lucky enough to get to work in the same office as a student aid. She showed me the business side of education and applied a sense of consciousness and kindness to the students who were going through the admissions process. Without the influence of my parents and their selflessness I would not have made this decision.

There are many reasons I could not do this without the love and support of my wife Brooke. She was the one who initially encouraged me to pursue this goal, and assured me that we would make it work. Her biggest contribution to my pedagogy from a theoretical perspective is the process of self-disclosure as a means to engage students. She has a knack for self-disclosure and is always encouraging me and others to be themselves and open up. Also, she gives great advice for handling difficult situations with students despite not have any formal experience with teaching. 

When I was an undergrad I had a Comm professor who I considered my mentor. He taught my Org Comm, Comm Theory, and a Globalization class in London when I studied abroad. Dr. Owen Lynch teaches with a very distinct style, and intentionally incorporates humor in his lectures. He was able to keep his students engaged while also covering large amounts of information. He also runs and operates a farm in South Dallas and encourages students to become involved with causes they care about. His "lead by example" style of teaching has greatly influenced me.

I also want to acknowledge our Pedagogy class. My classmates and Karen have had a huge influence on how I approach teaching. I'm constantly inspired by each classmate in different ways, and am so grateful for the experience Karen has guided us all through. I'd like to briefly give you all a shoutout:

Andrew - your approach to writing is so honest and authentic. I want to help my students feel that way about writing, as that was never something I experienced myself.

Cyn - it's apparent how passionate you are about really engaging students and bringing energy to every single class. It has inspired me to do the same.

Cynthia - your conviction to teach is incredible. To be doing what you're doing given your upbringing and current obstacles is a testament to your strength and conviction.

Madison - you bring such creativity to teaching. I would have never thought a class about monsters could exist, but you've helped me think creatively about teaching.

Emily - I have relied on you most of all as we have taught the same classes this semester. Thank you for being so helpful and insightful about our classes and grading.

Maddii - your kindness towards everyone in class and towards students is so welcome, and I wish more people had that level of intention and grace.

Mo - I had a student in another class bring up what an impact you have made on her. She doesn't know you and I have classes together so I know it was a very genuine sentiment. To have that type of impact on a student is admirable. 

Chrissy - thank you for being unapologetically yourself. Your energy and passion have rubbed off on everyone in class.

Xitzel - you've talked a lot about reflexivity and identity, and it has inspired me to do the same. Even though we all have different experiences with identity it is important to all reflect on it.

Also thank you to Karen for really challenging all of us to think critically and lovingly about how we approach teaching. Throughout my whole educational experience I've never had a teacher who teaches teachers, and it is so motivating to be around someone with such a passion for education. I know I didn't really get much into theory in this post, but felt compelled to thank everyone who has helped me get to here.

"Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself" - John Dewey.

Thanks for a great semester :)

We need examples too.

 Wrapped up the book! Celebration noise insert here. So a few weeks ago we talked about popular culture pedagogy. We all experience pop culture in one form or another. Social media, books, movies, TV, even video games. We experience pop culture in many ways. 

In class we talked about how we use pop culture in our classroom. We use examples that relate to the students and to the material. Pop culture can be used to increase student engagement and give them some agency in the classroom. Now that being said, students do not know how hard and the amount of work that is put into finding and creating examples for them. But what about us teachers?

Everyone wishes there was a guide book for college and how to survive outside of highschool life. The book that I have been discussing throughout the course of this semester is a great example. The book uses the old school popular culture ico Winnie the Pooh and his friends in the 100 acre wood. The book uses Pooh as a guide on how to calm down and take time for ourselves. The book can be used  for as young as 16 or even anyone struggling for high anxiety. 

Popular culture can be used as examples for all ages. Even teachers need examples on how to teach and how to handle the classroom. Where do we go though? It is really easy to overlook that we need examples too. If we do not have examples we can struggle, especially if we are going in blind on a subject. 

We need to remember not to sell ourselves short on what we need in our lives. We need help with things and it is okay to ask. We need examples and a guide book too, just like we give our students. 

Remember #dontrunonempty

Parent, J. (2018) A walk in the wood: Meditation on mindfulness with a bear named pooh

Kahl 2014.pdf

McCauliff and Denker 2016.pdf

Hammonds & Anderson-Lain 2016

Yourself over Life

 This weeks reading we talked about love. In the book I'm reading the next four chapters, (8,9,10,11) talk about how we have everything we need to love ourselves. It is important that we take of ourselves before we can even begin to take care of ourselves. Have you ever heard the old saying "you can't change someone without changing yourself?" 

As teachers we have that inescapable love for our students. We have to be careful about how much love we give out. Extensions, make-up work, redo tests, those are all ways we show love to our students, along side with the care we show in the classroom. There is a point where there can be to much love and we as students can get taken advantage of. 

That being said we have to be careful that we do not give off so much love that we hurt ourselves in the process of not trying to hurt our students. We need to be able to not cross that boundary with still being able to show love and compassion. These few chapters show us the process how we need to just stop and think. 

We need to breathe in the moment and "bathe" in our surroundings. Mainly a pure stop and think moment. Think before we speak, act or continue to act. 

We need to show the same amount of love that we show are students to ourselves. We need to give ourselves compassion in our short comings and provide resources to ourselves like we do others.

 Remember #dontrunonempty

Parent, J. (2018) A walk in the wood: Meditation on mindfulness with a bear named pooh

Calafell 2007.pdf

 

a long rest.

Three weeks left. You can taste it, too? To feel like we are nearing the end? The fetishization of a future outcome that is about as real as a daydream. Looking out the window and see yourself far from here. A third-person view of yourself, smiling. You've never seen yourself so happy before. It scares you a little bit. To spend all that extra energy on a delusion. Just to be disappointed.

Academia and education sits at a unique spot in my heart. In my undergrad, academia appeared to me as a higher echelon of thinking and being. I found that, as much as doubted myself, it was something that I could do. Think deeply in weird ways to come to a solution that might be more beneficial than what was there before. It could have been like reaching the golden gates, where St. Peter would greet me like an old friend, and could spend the rest of infinity with the largest community possible. Then, like a child finding out the magical and powerful Santa Claus is only as real as a historical local and a exploitative marketing scheme, the magic is sucked out and left only the numbers and facts.

In Pedagogy, we talked about CAPS, Critical Activism Pedagogy, where the class designed is asking students through what they read, learn, engage with, and open-up to each other about, is all a part of a culmination of calling to arm action both inside but especially outside the classroom. More than simply asking how we should be in the world, CAPs proposes how we ought to be and how to do it. It's a novel idea. But the cynicism that has always lurked mind takes over, and I can't help but point towards the hypocrisy in front of me while ignoring the hypocrisy coming from inside.

In my jaded heart, what to me is supposed to be a beacon of enlightenment, is marred by personal conceits that are unable to live up to the image of their own research. Pretentious, narcissistic, and elitist, the academic stands parallel with the corporate lawyer who has sold away their soul for the well being of a client and the pharmaceutical chair making decisions based on their numbers rather than how the world should look or be. The shaper of empty words pretending to change the world from behind a screen. I feel impassioned in my own published words, telling the government to take more accountability and responsibility for their negligence, and yet I know the reality: nobody gives a shit. My father, the blue-collar worker, sure doesn't. My mother, a nail technician, sure doesn't. Why should anyone care what I have to say; like a rich and famous celebrity taking the stage to talk income inequality, the very 'act' makes me a hypocrite.    

We discussed Bell and Golombisky's article about voices and silence as it pretrains to women and women of color in the classroom, and the question that plagued for a week after reading this was, 'so what? Does improving the classroom in various ways negate the banking nature of the class as an institution? To even teach a class that the teacher wants to teach, you need the approval of so many bodies and the approval chain could take a year before the syllabus even lands in front of the eyes of a prospective student. We can't change that aspect. Our budget, careers, and integrity depend on other people's approval of us.  Fassett and Warren pointed this out, where certain research needed approval because people didn't take the research seriously without the backing up of someone from in the system. Academia only exists because of a system of capital escalation; we need submissions of work every year to keep our jobs, we need to keep publishing, rather than to put our best foot out there in the eradication of what we perceive as ills of the world. #LifeGoesOn with or without our two cents.

But, indictment of the system is not an indictment on people. Academics are able to find time regardless to help in small ways. Volunteer for their religious groups, community needs, sponsor important changes both local and global. Being in the system means that #LifeGoesOn in a possibly new way for someone else. 'Help me save one more', Desmond Doss once said. We need to embrace this hypocrisy, and not pretend that we are humans, too, ones that are unable to impact everyone with are meticulous though tiny words. It's an effort everyday to not take a long rest. To give up on something like academia. But, sometimes, inspiring one person to change the world is more relevant and important than simply daydreaming about a better world arriving through magic. If you keep trying, maybe someday the small hole that puzzled St Augustine will finally contain the ocean and even the vastness of the oppressively sea will appear to suddenly vanish.   

        #LifeGoesOn

    

                    

Teaching Advocacy

I read recently that people within academia often experience a higher level of imposter syndrome. When you’re surrounded by intelligent people who are active within their field and community it would be hard not to feel inadequate compared to them. I certainly have felt this way since joining this program. I constantly question my writing skills, ability to critically think, and most recently my advocacy for social injustices. My colleagues and professors are all so insightful and connected to issues that really affect them or others. It’s inspiring and intimidating at the same time. I do feel compelled to join in solidarity with groups that need it, but I don’t know that I always have felt that way.

 

After graduating undergrad I put so much of my focus into my work, climbing the corporate ladder, and enjoying the freedom and autonomy of being an adult. My free time was either spent working more, pursuing hobbies, or dating. Once I found a job I was satisfied with and met my wife I then shifted focus to figuring out what I actually want to do. It was only then that I started to feel called to serve and advocate for those who need it, but I didn’t know what that looked like. I wasn’t sure how to be an advocate, and honestly am still not entirely sure. I’m still learning a lot about discrimination, oppression, and marginalization, and am trying to open my heart to be an ally to all who are experiencing those things.

 

How then am I supposed to teach students to be advocates themselves?

 

The reading this week regarding Communication Activism Pedagogy really struck me. Throughout my education (and life) whenever I read or heard about injustices happening, I would consider the awareness of that injustice as part of the solution. I still do believe that, but now know that awareness alone isn’t sufficient.

 

I’ve taught several lectures this year in my public speaking class regarding topics that I, admittedly, wasn’t all that familiar with, including advocacy. It required me to learn more about the topic than I knew before, and I now know more about it than before. It was kind of a “fake it till you make it” mentality. Which works for when I’m talking about logical fallacies or audience analysis, but not for advocacy. Advocacy requires more of me as a teacher, and students deserve more.

 

I understand that my obligation as a teacher includes advocating against injustices to marginalized groups. Part of that advocacy is teaching students about those injustices and motivating them to also become advocates. But is that enough? If I can get 10 more students to become aware of injustices and to advocate against it, aren’t I doing my part in acting in solidarity? I don’t believe so. In keeping with my mindset of teaching like an organizational leader I must lead by example. I have a long way to go to truly be an advocate for these injustices, but I think this is a good first step. To really empower my students to become advocates themselves, I must also become an advocate.