FA21.Vibes.

 Wow thanksgiving break already?!!! There are two weeks? Maybe three weeks left in this semester?? WHEW I can't even keep up anymore!!!!! I have been counting down with my students this whole semester. I would start my housekeeping by saying, "Good morning y'all!!!! How are y'all today? (Because mental health checks are so important to me!!!). WELCOME TO WEEK 8!!!!!!". I remember celebrating that milestone and making sure that they celebrated themselves for making it so far. It's interesting being a teaching assistant for the first time and realizing that the students you teach are only "yours" for sixteen weeks and poof.... they are no longer in your life. What impact did I leave them? I am hoping that I left my students with an expanding critique to life. I praised my gentleman for sticking with the women in the room for being on our side during these crazy weird controlling times over our body and reproduction. I truly gave them their flowers and always ensured to leave them with an open space to be emotional. I hope that my gentleman heard me loud and clear when I told them that it is okay for men to cry.They are trained to deal with so many emotions internally, to the point in the long run where they become numb and numb emotions can create great dangers to them as well as other individuals. To my ladies, I had to REPRESENT because I am a woman first, everything second. 

According to Elizabeth Bell and Golombisky, women face a jeopardy when they are in the classroom. Women are often caught between voice and silence when it comes topics such as race and privilege. This causes women to move in "strategic ways" often making them choose the route of silence than voicing their thoughts, opinions and yes even their questions. My women of color face a double jeopardy as they have to play the classroom in an even more "strategic" manor. They are at a double jeopardy due to the fact that they are stereotyped as "loud, ghetto, and bitches" whenever they have a smart, eloquent, bold answer.

I made sure to protect my ladies in my classroom. I made sure to grade each student according to their knowledge and their efforts. Not because of their skin tone nor the stereotypes that accompany it. We really as educators, must give every student a fair chance! #DIVERSIFYIT. That fair chance can be given simply by grading the content that is presented in front of you. Knowing how much effort students put in are so important because that is the true journey of academia. It is a climb. 

My climb has been rough. I myself have been a good girl within the classroom, strategically thinking about what I want to say and how I am going to say it, It is quiete exhausting, but those where the cards I was dealt with and power lies within that. I truly hope I used my power to create an inclusive classroom (COMMUNITY) this semester. I will cherish my students for allowing me, my Mexican first generation college graduate student, teach them by being the real me, the advisor me, the mentor me, the TEACHER ME, the rough patched me, the tired me, the NOT SO GOOD GIRL ME, the teacher who teaches with her heart me, all of me. I will never forget them, and I really hope they never forget me. Cheers to good teaching, and being the change you want to see in this world Cyn!!!! 

Source:

Bell, E., & Golombisky, K. (2004). Voices and silences in our classrooms: Strategies for mapping trails among sex/gender, race, and class. Women's Studies in Communication, 27(3), 294–329. https://doi.org/10.1080/07491409.2004.10162478

Is it over?

 I have been trying to figure out how to bring closure to my blogs. Throughout the semester, I have essentially used these blogs as an informal diary. Maybe that's why I have been hesitant to post? It is undeniably terrifying to think that even one person might read these simple writings and construct ideas of who they think I am. A common theme I am starting to notice in writing blogs, self-silencing and sabotage. So maybe, these writings offer the sort of transparency and intimacy I can not bring forward in person. 

When I consider the past few months, I acknowledge all of my growth as an instructor. Moreover, realizing some of my faults, those privately contrived and undeniably present. When I was training for this position, I never considered the sort of reflexivity pedagogy might inspire. Truthfully, and perhaps ignorantly, I believed in a traditional banking model of education. But, I am proud to admit that a lack of hindsight perhaps resulted in a more prolific semester. I argue that maybe even the uncertainty provoked a new sort of determination and anger. I dedicate this last blog to those who live within this uncertainty. I look to Anzaldua to best describe not newfound anger but a better appreciated one. 

I Know You.

 Once upon a time, I took 2140. While I enjoyed the activity, I also recognized the stress students deal with leading up to the event. My own experience remains marked with the burden of communicating with inactive members and preparing for a completely foreign experience. I also recall standing in front of a judge and hoping for mercy. The judge held no awareness of my progress as a debater, the research efforts, and attempts to create a cohesive group climate. And I was terrified this five-minute moment held the power to decide my value as a student. 

Flash forward some amount of years later, and I found myself in the position of judge. I disliked it. Students looked at me with some measure of fear and hesitation. Understandably, the debate called for quick deliberation on someone's grade based on five minutes of speech. I was nervous. I believe I actually admitted to nerves in my last round of debates. The students laughed and looked on with skepticism. They questioned why I was nervous. I confessed this sort of event is nerve-wracking because no TA wants to give students a below-average grade. More importantly, I knew what it felt like to be in their exact position. To question if a judge would recognize all that might have led up to this single hour of debate. I was in the position to pick apart arguments, style, and demeanor. 

Freire (1970) recognized how positions of oppressed and oppressor are constantly shifting. Moreover, true solidarity within academia inherently relies on understanding how our bodies house both oppressed and oppressive identities (Freire, 1970). As a judge, I embodied the position of oppressor, where I had the opportunity to grade on the content of an hour's debate. However, my own experience in 2140 grants insight into students' positionalities and affects how I went about the debate process. I found it increasingly important to underline how much the teaching staff appreciated their hard work and flexibility. Considering most of the students had little to no debate experience, participating in the event revealed their courage to explore new grounds. Moreover, I understand these five minutes are only a brief representation of the tenacity in facilitating group work, approaching controversial topics, and enacting new methods of praxis. 

The quick pep-talk did wonders for their nerves! Students' shoulders relaxed some, and the franticness that had swept through the room leveled out. Recognizing student efforts seemed to reduce some of their performance anxiety and grounded them in the moment. The quick pep-talk did wonders for their nerves! Students' shoulders relaxed some, and the franticness that had swept through the room leveled out. Recognizing student efforts seemed to reduce some of their performance anxiety and grounded them in the moment. By verbally confronting the difficulty of the debate process, I hoped students were able to focus on enjoying the event rather than the outcome of a grade.  As I watched the debates, I recognized my abilities to adjust pressing systems #ForThem so that perhaps we persist together rather than remain divided. In this manner, I hope students come to understand how academia can serve as a place of transformation and co-creation (Freire, 1970). 

Freire, P.  (1970/2000). Pedagogy of the oppressed:  30th Anniversary Edition.  New York:  Continuum. 

BREWED by the best

Different people come into and leave our lives at different stages, but a strong force from within me compels me to acknowledge Dr Anderson-Lain. Albeit I may lack the exquisite words to explain how she came to my life, she has significantly impacted my career life, and her dedication and commitment to a better and professional me are worth appreciating. When I joined the University to study, I lived to believe I had it all in my #beYOUtiful head.

         

       However, what I held onto changed when I sat and began to listen to Dr Lain, She has augmented my understanding of some pedagogical concepts through different readings, and I heartily dedicate this piece to her. In a class where people of color formed the minority, her meticulous approach to the racial disparity shaped my appreciation of mentorship, showing love, and making home to students of color, derived from Callafel’s (2007) “Mentoring and Love: An Open Letter.” Since I was getting tired of color criticism, her teachings came at a critical time. When I felt hurt by isolation, her words of solace and voice of assurance strongly chased the hurt and saw it as a great avenue to healing. Also, her strong emphasis on the need to live for our culture and esteem love made me reflect strongly on the need to bond with other blacks.  Therefore, Dr Lain’s approach to racial disparities positively impacted my thinking and relationship with people of all races.

     

         Notably, I was worried why fewer students could be attentive during my lessons, but when I listened to her more often, I realized where the problem was and got the solution. She taught me about experience while in the education field, she has shown me the sense of taking every problem in class and making all possible outcomes, as Palmer (1998/2007) argues.

         Remarkably, most aspects of life were full of constraints, and so education was. Although the theories she used underwent criticism, this did not deter her from moving on. Her learning experience was the best for me. Also, I noticed that education was key in solving many world problems: both the old and the new education merged. At times I was worried about how I would present a lesson in front of students from different races and walks of life. Still, she introduced to me the educational continuum of philosophies that Palmer (1998/2007) discusses in “The Courage to Teach” to help me present my ideas with the utmost quality. Therefore, if not for her, I could have grown dumbfounded and deferred, something normal to people from foreign lands.

          

         Through constant interaction with her, I realized that dehumanization also affected the oppressors, although indirectly. I fully understood that liberation from oppression was painful childbirth that needed perseverance and was best achieved mutually (Freire,1970/2000). Dr Lain taught me how not to be an oppressor through Freire’s (1970/2000) "Pedagogy of the oppressed.” This lesson opened my eyes and gave me the stance to push on in education. In my wildest dreams, her teachings dismissed the thoughts. Besides, she opened my eyes to changing education to freedom. Her unique education culture analogy, case studies made me fully understand pedagogy derived from Dewey (1938). One of her analogies opened my eyes to learning that education would always be above fear and it enabled my confidence to learn through Hammond and Anderson-Lain’s (2016) “A pedagogy of communion. Theorizing popular culture pedagogy.”

      

           At this point, I am fully confident to teach and influence the lives of many others. I thank her for being a great pilot in this beautiful pedagogical journey that lasted for 14weeks in class but will last a lifetime outside the classroom.

Wherever the wind blows, remember  #beYoutiful

 

 

 

 

 

 

References

Calafell, B. (2007). Mentoring and Love: An Open Letter. Academia.edu.

Dewey, J.  (1938). Experience and education.  New York: Collier

Freire, P.  (1970/2000). Pedagogy of the oppressed:  30^th Anniversary Edition.  New York:

Continuum

Hammonds, K., & Anderson-Lain, K. (2016). A pedagogy of communion: Theorizing popular culture pedagogy. The Popular Culture Studies Journal, 4, 106-132.

 

Palmer, P. J. (1998/2007). The courage to teach: Exploring the inner landscape of a teacher’s life. San Francisco: Wiley & Sons

 

Struggle Season

    I am struggling. I think coming to terms with how and why I am struggling has been a battle itself. I grew up feeling competent. Granted, I had a ridiculous amount of anxiety, but I felt competent nonetheless. Like most people, I have dealt with levels of imposter syndrome throughout my academic career. Never has impostor syndrome felt so burdensome and present, and every word out my mouth feels tainted with mediocrity. I look to my peers, and I am proud of them. I admire them. But, never has a classroom felt so alienating and not for me. Notes of seasoned prose and perfect articulation stream through the rooms, belonging to every mouth but mine. I hate class sometimes. Never because of my cohort or faculty, but because I can feel a border of my manifestations. I can feel my insecurities muting my voice. I wonder if maybe this place does not belong to me. For me. 

My dad often says, if it was easy, everyone would do it. And I hold his words like a note in my pocket. By now, his words have been softened and worn by my frequent invocations and recall. I look at the reasons why I have stayed. I recollect moments where I felt present. 

When I wonder why I matter here, in this institution, it is my connection to teaching that keeps me stable. Teaching has been one of the greatest rewards from graduate school (that's not to say I don't have moments where I am feddddddd UP with grading.) More than anything, teaching has led to my interrogation of the idea of winning and losing (Palmer, 1998). Palmer (1998) argued a lack of reflexivity within instructors unfairly centers students towards ideologies of success. So then, why am I afraid of academia? What do I lose if I am not perfectly articulate? How can I teach honesty without teaching honestly? I find it increasingly difficult to tell my students to find freedom within the classroom and speak without fear if I cannot extend these qualities to myself. Palmer (1998) writes, "the courage to teach from the most truthful places in the landscape of self and world, the courage to invite students to discover, explore, and inhabit those places in the living of their own lives" (p. 190). I argue that perhaps to teach with love, I need to embrace uncomfortability. To explore my space in academia without fear of rejection. And I realize my willingness to engage in the sort of suffering that belongs to "all that is unresolved in [my] heart" (Palmer, 1998, p. 89) is #ForThem and by them. 

Palmer, Parker J. (1998). The courage to teach: exploring the inner landscape of a teacher's life. San Francisco, Calif.:Jossey-Bass,

Let's Rant

    For the first time, my student attendance in 2140 is lacking. Lacking it is putting it mildly. I had a total of 10 students show up to recitation. All semester, I had my consistent 22 students showing up in mind and body. However, I noticed the past two weeks students felt and looked drained. Attendance decreased. I hoped perhaps getting past midterms might alleviate some of the tension. Standing in front of the room, faces of tired and fed up students stared back. 

Uncomfortable. 

    As one might imagine, losing half my class felt personal. It felt like I had somehow become someone not worth seeing. I hate admitting and recognizing the excess of ego in that form of thought. I reached out to a fellow TA (Cyn) and asked for some advice. How many of your students are still showing up? Are they active in class? What are you doing in recitation to keep them engaged? Cyn, of course, replied with a candid answer, "I let them complain." I felt like an idiot. I stressed about my students without ever considering listening to them. Dannels (2015) would be sorely disappointed by my behavior. Dannels (2015) argued effective teaching resided in approaching the classroom with holistic interactions. Rather, an instructor needs to move beyond traditional academic instruction. Dannels (2015) noted passion within the classroom called for: 

1. "engaging with students in interactions about their non-academic lives" (p. 209) 

2. recognizing how my teaching practices offset or acknowledge their lived experience" (p. 209)

    In the following recitation, I asked students if they were willing to participate in a unique icebreaker. For three uninterrupted minutes, students are able to complain to their peers, me, or in a journal regarding any stressors in their lives! Without hesitation, students took to the activity. Individuals started explaining shitty work environments, coursework, or minor annoyances. It felt like a veil of distress had been lifted just by acknowledging their anxieties. Moreover, I recognized this was a time to not only request for student vulnerabilities but reciprocate my own. I explained to some students my own stress about the current workload, and for a brief moment, we all felt seen and heard. We recognized our identities away from the restricting space of a classroom, and it brought life back into the space. I cannot really account for how the students felt, but I recognize how present I felt again. Reading the room, students seemed re-focused and engaged for the first time in a couple of weeks. As I continue to teach throughout the semester, I find it prudent to recognize how teaching styles need to support the demands of the students. However, not only in terms of academics but in relation to their entire persons. I will never be a perfect instructor, but if I teach #ForThem, perhaps I can be a valuable one. 

    Shout out to Cyn for providing this classroom icebreaker! I cannot imagine teaching this semester without all of the insight and help you provide. When I think about our journey this semester as TA’s, I find comfort in this Hooks (1994) quote, “ The academy is not a paradise. But learning is a place where paradise can be created” (p. 207). 

Dannels, Deanna. (2015). Eight Essential Questions Teachers Ask: A Guidebook for Communicating with Students. 

hooks, b.  (1994). Teaching to transgress:  Education as the practice of freedom.  New York:  Routledge.

The Rhetoric of APA

As we enter into the mid-semester, I find myself struggling with the idea of grading a student. Before I undertook the responsibilities of a TA, I had a firmer view of grading. To be frank, I believed I would easily hand out a failing grade. As a student, I had a stringent understanding of responsibility, success, and academics. Considering my background, my grades essentially denoted my ability to self-actualize. While I understood any form of self-actualization did not rely on perfect grades, the ability to self-actualize relied on reaching an environment fitted for fostering such growth. Meaning, my ability to self-actualize relied on attending university, successfully earning a degree, and finding a well-paying job. But, I could not successfully meet my goals without reducing myself to grades. 

I believed in a meritocracy. I find it difficult to rewire the sort of thinking that only serves to oppress my students. Although I often diminished my abilities to perform as a successful student, instructors frequently and willingly pushed through self-imposed limits. While I can not quantify their attention as good or bad, there was a specific focus on enhancing my skills and proficiencies as a student. I had the privilege of attention. 

My 3010 students recently turned in their first set of abstracts. For most students, this is their first time fully embracing APA and using all of the writing rules. A few students received grades well below their expectations. As I marked their pages of writing, I felt burdened with the reality of the situation. Increasingly, each new mark fueled an overwhelming frustration with myself and the students. I wondered why they had not taken my advice and looked over their writing. Why were my students still violating simple rules of point of view and anthropomorphism? Memories of my own time in 3010 only served to alienate my relationship and empathy with students. Fassett and Warren (2007) argued, "being a critical scholar is about always being accountable for not only what you intend but what kinds of effects you put into motion. It is about holding yourself responsible even when privilege tells you are not, about listening to others even though you feel you are entitled to speak. (88)" 

Fasset and Warren noted, “writing this narrative was the most significant part of this essay for me - doing so called on my own need to examine the mundane enactments of how privilege was embedded in my own body.” (108) How can I hold every student to the same standard, across the board, without taking into account their own starting points? How is there justification in reducing a student to a numerical grade? Without my own doubt on the inherent connection to subjective terms excellent, great, average, or below average. I know there is no clear answer to the problem. No magic solution in fixing a historically faulty system. My silent challenge to the system reflects on how I present my own position of their work in person. Reinforcing their own power as a scholar to grow and create work that reflects their positionality. Perhaps I cannot challenge the expectations of writing style and form, but I can 

negotiate why their writing matters. I recall their writing is #ForThem and I position myself as a resource to conceptualize their own possibilities within the discipline. 

Fassett, D. L., & Warren, J. T.  (2007). Critical communication pedagogy.  Thousand Oaks, CA:  Sage.

this is farewell.

 

Oct. 14, 8:42 PM

Oct. 20, 10:34 PM

Oct 26., 12:16 AM 

Nov. 2, 7:35 PM

Nov. 3, 10:14 PM

Nov. 15, 10:49 PM

Last Wednesday, Nov 17, 8:53 PM

This is it. The only thing left are papers to deliver in, papers to grade, and people to say goodbye to. It's strange. Not being in the space anymore once everyone leaves. I doubt the freedom that Freire and hooks believed could be a reality would take shape only after leaving education. Not taking the same paths every night home, reaching for the key to the front door with a heavy frame and heavy heart. Now, I'm not going to see this place as a daily occurrence. 

Do you remember the beginning of this semester? Everything in lush green, the drive of an hour up to Denton didn't feel as long. The picture taken that still hangs outside the TA space. I don't recognize that person anymore. 4 months felt like 4 days and 4 years at the same time. 

I remember this line from the original Korean "The Good Doctor" show. "My hope is that you'll get better, and that I will never have to see you here like this again". Teaching is the same way. We want to build rapport, see them grow, and yet have to watch them grow and sometimes fade away into little more than impressions of a memory. Soon enough, my time here will be like the paths I had to walk every night, forgotten yet felt. 

#LifeGoesOn. Don't linger too much. We have to start again soon. The next mission. I had this illusion as a child, that once you've gained something you wouldn't have to work as hard to maintain it. physics seemed to support that notion. But the reality of the modern human is that there is also another task to take on. Always. Until the end of time. Until we explode away from sheer exhaustion. We are quite unsatisfied creatures. We keep doing what we are, without clear motivation in the present moment. We've talked of the practicality needed to teach students - motivation, engagement, Dannels' questions for teachers. The most important question, similarly with other fields, is how we are still doing this work?

At the end of this semester, I found the answer. I see it in the spark in professors eyes. When we tell them something funny and they laugh at it. A student answers a question coreectly after a semester of not participating in class. When a student says, after more than 2 decades, something that the teacher has never heard before and it sounded immediately like a genius concept. Watching them grow and change, and discover something about themselves. 

But its there too when a teachers' heart falls apart. A professor of mine told me one time she ran into a former student, and how that student became homeless after graduating. She said that she felt like she failed as a teacher. I imagine there are those rough days, as well as the good days. We do it because we feel alive while doing it. We became a part of a larger process, if we can of course overcome the classist pedagogy of the nesting dolls of power. Teaching, really, is about leaving behind trails for others. My hope then, as a teacher, is to make sure students in their academic careers will only see these images above as images, and not something that they personally live through.            

Self-care; A narrative

 For this final blog post of the semester, the focus I want to take is self-care. 

Self-care at its core simply means to take care of oneself. The difficulty of this, however, is that many people do this in a variety of different ways. 

If you ask a person “what is self-care?”, they will respond with their own personal anecdote, silently altering the question to “what is self-care to you?”. This is why it is imperative to have many different perspectives on what it means to enact self-care, so that you can see how many others do it and the impact that it has on them. 

This post is a part of my personal story and journey on how I am using self-care in my life, the importance it has to me, and how a wikihow article about self-care got me to understand practices that I take in my daily life are inhibiting my ability to effectively practice “self-care” onto myself. Or, more precisely, how I have grown to make my own emotions and mental health #Rellevent. 

According to wikihow article “How to Practice Self Care”, they listed out four different methods with each containing particular examples to enact that method- 

1. Practice emotional self-care

2. Practice physical self-care

3. Practice professional self-care

4. Improving your approach to self-care

The part that stuck out to me in this post is Method 4- Improving your approach to self-care- with its four additional steps;

1. Put your own needs first

2. Ask for help when you need it

3. Say “no” and set limits with others

4. Practice time management

At first, I had been inclined to disbelieve this wikihow article’s ability to understand ways that I could improve my approach to self-care, or that it wouldn’t teach me anything new. I was pleasantly surprised to admit that I had not thought of these things particularly as steps to “improve” my ability to take care of myself, even though it seems rather obvious now. 

An additional thing that struck me was that it was very timely in my own life- as a TA, a grad student, a partner, a family member, and a friend. 

Even though I would like to think that I practice these four things daily, I have caught myself slacking. In my mind, it is a fallacy to believe that I can actually enact positive self-care (and it be effective) without actively practicing these things in my daily life. 

Putting my needs first- 

• I think of how this decision would affect OTHERS more than I think about how it affects MYSELF.

• I seem to place my success on the success of others; like a mom, if others succeed, that is enough for me. I don’t have to succeed and feel accomplished if others are able to live that for me.

• I put my job before my health- Even when I fracture my foot, it is hard for me to say “I need to stay home and get better”, because I know I am inconveniencing others by doing that.

• I always feel bad when there is something I want to do/need to do, because of course there are others that need something/want something else more. 

Asking for help when I need it-

• I do ask for help, but sometimes when you are in an environment where everyone seems to know what they are doing, asking for help can feel like a challenge to your legitimacy.

• When I am teaching I feel that if I ever ask for help it makes me look stupid, though I need it sometimes; like when I can’t reach the rope that pulls down the projector screen.

• With my family, I feel that it emphasizes my “youngest-child” nature when I ask for help. Because my siblings always use my dad as a scape-goat for whenever things go wrong, I tend to not ask for help financially 

Saying “no” and setting limits with others

• It is hard to say no when others need help. Especially when the first two things on the list are not happening, I am unable to say no without apologizing or submitting to what was asked of me. 

Practice Time Management

• I am actually very good at this, however, most of my “free time” is spent with others, because I don’t feel like I have anything better to do by myself. 

Everything I just mentioned has room for reflection. Once I am able to overcome these by whatever steps I feel comfortable with, I will be more able to take the steps of self care that I need to feel better mentally, physically, and socially. 

I will put myself first, even if it may mean inconveniencing someone if I need it. 

I will learn how to ask for help if I need it, even if it hurts my legitimacy.

I will become better at saying no WITHOUT apologizing.

I will make time for myself.

My roles as a grad student, teaching assistant, partner, friend, and family member should not impede my growth as a person. Those that understand (or want to in the least) will be able to see that if I have to set up boundaries or take time for myself, that it is not me trying to do so at the expense of others' time and happiness.

 

I will live my life for myself.

This is the foundation that I will use to build my self-care up. 

My experiences are #Rellevent.

My emotions are #Rellevent.

I am #Rellevent.

Disclaimer: This is a personal narrative of mine and it is my hope that anyone who relates to this can more effectively initiate their own self-care routine in their daily life. It is not meant to be a “one-stop-shop” for all self-care tactics and should not be taken as gospel, for it is centered around my experiences. It is up to the individual initiating their self-care routine to find out what works for them, which takes time! I recommend reading more articles/blogs about different ways of enacting self-care to find the ways that suit your lifestyle. Utilize the links below to find those ways. Although this post is not grounded within any particular text from this semester, I believe that any of the scholars which we have read would attest to the importance and impact that utilizing these tips can help lead to effect self-reflection and reflexivity, leading to a better ability for people to tackle the challenges which they note in their works.

https://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Self-Care# 

https://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/self-care-teachers 

https://www.waterford.org/education/teacher-self-care-activities/ 

https://www.mghclaycenter.org/stress/9-self-care-tips-for-teachers/ 

https://www.everydayhealth.com/self-care/ 

https://www.activeminds.org/about-mental-health/self-care/

My Teaching Influences

For my final post I thought it would be appropriate to recognize those that influenced my pedagogy, the lessons they taught me, and how it relates to theory we have discussed in class. There are a number of people who had a real impact on my life and have encouraged me to pursue teaching. In one way or another I owe my decisions this year to these people.

I certainly wouldn't have ever considered teaching without the influence my parents had on me. My father was a community college professor for 40 years and cared deeply about making a real and lasting impact on his students lives. I remember him bringing me to classes, to his office, and walking around the halls of Eastfield Community College. He would often bring home stories of students or situations that we could all learn from. He always acted in true solidarity with his students who were marginalized, and often helped them in ways that weren't solely academic. He is constantly reminding me to form a true bond with students, and get to know them personally. He has probably never read Freire, but represents the concepts Freire proposes wholeheartedly. My mother has also worked in education for the last decade or so. When I was an undergrad she worked in the admissions department of the SMU graduate school, and I was lucky enough to get to work in the same office as a student aid. She showed me the business side of education and applied a sense of consciousness and kindness to the students who were going through the admissions process. Without the influence of my parents and their selflessness I would not have made this decision.

There are many reasons I could not do this without the love and support of my wife Brooke. She was the one who initially encouraged me to pursue this goal, and assured me that we would make it work. Her biggest contribution to my pedagogy from a theoretical perspective is the process of self-disclosure as a means to engage students. She has a knack for self-disclosure and is always encouraging me and others to be themselves and open up. Also, she gives great advice for handling difficult situations with students despite not have any formal experience with teaching. 

When I was an undergrad I had a Comm professor who I considered my mentor. He taught my Org Comm, Comm Theory, and a Globalization class in London when I studied abroad. Dr. Owen Lynch teaches with a very distinct style, and intentionally incorporates humor in his lectures. He was able to keep his students engaged while also covering large amounts of information. He also runs and operates a farm in South Dallas and encourages students to become involved with causes they care about. His "lead by example" style of teaching has greatly influenced me.

I also want to acknowledge our Pedagogy class. My classmates and Karen have had a huge influence on how I approach teaching. I'm constantly inspired by each classmate in different ways, and am so grateful for the experience Karen has guided us all through. I'd like to briefly give you all a shoutout:

Andrew - your approach to writing is so honest and authentic. I want to help my students feel that way about writing, as that was never something I experienced myself.

Cyn - it's apparent how passionate you are about really engaging students and bringing energy to every single class. It has inspired me to do the same.

Cynthia - your conviction to teach is incredible. To be doing what you're doing given your upbringing and current obstacles is a testament to your strength and conviction.

Madison - you bring such creativity to teaching. I would have never thought a class about monsters could exist, but you've helped me think creatively about teaching.

Emily - I have relied on you most of all as we have taught the same classes this semester. Thank you for being so helpful and insightful about our classes and grading.

Maddii - your kindness towards everyone in class and towards students is so welcome, and I wish more people had that level of intention and grace.

Mo - I had a student in another class bring up what an impact you have made on her. She doesn't know you and I have classes together so I know it was a very genuine sentiment. To have that type of impact on a student is admirable. 

Chrissy - thank you for being unapologetically yourself. Your energy and passion have rubbed off on everyone in class.

Xitzel - you've talked a lot about reflexivity and identity, and it has inspired me to do the same. Even though we all have different experiences with identity it is important to all reflect on it.

Also thank you to Karen for really challenging all of us to think critically and lovingly about how we approach teaching. Throughout my whole educational experience I've never had a teacher who teaches teachers, and it is so motivating to be around someone with such a passion for education. I know I didn't really get much into theory in this post, but felt compelled to thank everyone who has helped me get to here.

"Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself" - John Dewey.

Thanks for a great semester :)

We need examples too.

 Wrapped up the book! Celebration noise insert here. So a few weeks ago we talked about popular culture pedagogy. We all experience pop culture in one form or another. Social media, books, movies, TV, even video games. We experience pop culture in many ways. 

In class we talked about how we use pop culture in our classroom. We use examples that relate to the students and to the material. Pop culture can be used to increase student engagement and give them some agency in the classroom. Now that being said, students do not know how hard and the amount of work that is put into finding and creating examples for them. But what about us teachers?

Everyone wishes there was a guide book for college and how to survive outside of highschool life. The book that I have been discussing throughout the course of this semester is a great example. The book uses the old school popular culture ico Winnie the Pooh and his friends in the 100 acre wood. The book uses Pooh as a guide on how to calm down and take time for ourselves. The book can be used  for as young as 16 or even anyone struggling for high anxiety. 

Popular culture can be used as examples for all ages. Even teachers need examples on how to teach and how to handle the classroom. Where do we go though? It is really easy to overlook that we need examples too. If we do not have examples we can struggle, especially if we are going in blind on a subject. 

We need to remember not to sell ourselves short on what we need in our lives. We need help with things and it is okay to ask. We need examples and a guide book too, just like we give our students. 

Remember #dontrunonempty

Parent, J. (2018) A walk in the wood: Meditation on mindfulness with a bear named pooh

Kahl 2014.pdf

McCauliff and Denker 2016.pdf

Hammonds & Anderson-Lain 2016

Yourself over Life

 This weeks reading we talked about love. In the book I'm reading the next four chapters, (8,9,10,11) talk about how we have everything we need to love ourselves. It is important that we take of ourselves before we can even begin to take care of ourselves. Have you ever heard the old saying "you can't change someone without changing yourself?" 

As teachers we have that inescapable love for our students. We have to be careful about how much love we give out. Extensions, make-up work, redo tests, those are all ways we show love to our students, along side with the care we show in the classroom. There is a point where there can be to much love and we as students can get taken advantage of. 

That being said we have to be careful that we do not give off so much love that we hurt ourselves in the process of not trying to hurt our students. We need to be able to not cross that boundary with still being able to show love and compassion. These few chapters show us the process how we need to just stop and think. 

We need to breathe in the moment and "bathe" in our surroundings. Mainly a pure stop and think moment. Think before we speak, act or continue to act. 

We need to show the same amount of love that we show are students to ourselves. We need to give ourselves compassion in our short comings and provide resources to ourselves like we do others.

 Remember #dontrunonempty

Parent, J. (2018) A walk in the wood: Meditation on mindfulness with a bear named pooh

Calafell 2007.pdf

 

a long rest.

Three weeks left. You can taste it, too? To feel like we are nearing the end? The fetishization of a future outcome that is about as real as a daydream. Looking out the window and see yourself far from here. A third-person view of yourself, smiling. You've never seen yourself so happy before. It scares you a little bit. To spend all that extra energy on a delusion. Just to be disappointed.

Academia and education sits at a unique spot in my heart. In my undergrad, academia appeared to me as a higher echelon of thinking and being. I found that, as much as doubted myself, it was something that I could do. Think deeply in weird ways to come to a solution that might be more beneficial than what was there before. It could have been like reaching the golden gates, where St. Peter would greet me like an old friend, and could spend the rest of infinity with the largest community possible. Then, like a child finding out the magical and powerful Santa Claus is only as real as a historical local and a exploitative marketing scheme, the magic is sucked out and left only the numbers and facts.

In Pedagogy, we talked about CAPS, Critical Activism Pedagogy, where the class designed is asking students through what they read, learn, engage with, and open-up to each other about, is all a part of a culmination of calling to arm action both inside but especially outside the classroom. More than simply asking how we should be in the world, CAPs proposes how we ought to be and how to do it. It's a novel idea. But the cynicism that has always lurked mind takes over, and I can't help but point towards the hypocrisy in front of me while ignoring the hypocrisy coming from inside.

In my jaded heart, what to me is supposed to be a beacon of enlightenment, is marred by personal conceits that are unable to live up to the image of their own research. Pretentious, narcissistic, and elitist, the academic stands parallel with the corporate lawyer who has sold away their soul for the well being of a client and the pharmaceutical chair making decisions based on their numbers rather than how the world should look or be. The shaper of empty words pretending to change the world from behind a screen. I feel impassioned in my own published words, telling the government to take more accountability and responsibility for their negligence, and yet I know the reality: nobody gives a shit. My father, the blue-collar worker, sure doesn't. My mother, a nail technician, sure doesn't. Why should anyone care what I have to say; like a rich and famous celebrity taking the stage to talk income inequality, the very 'act' makes me a hypocrite.    

We discussed Bell and Golombisky's article about voices and silence as it pretrains to women and women of color in the classroom, and the question that plagued for a week after reading this was, 'so what? Does improving the classroom in various ways negate the banking nature of the class as an institution? To even teach a class that the teacher wants to teach, you need the approval of so many bodies and the approval chain could take a year before the syllabus even lands in front of the eyes of a prospective student. We can't change that aspect. Our budget, careers, and integrity depend on other people's approval of us.  Fassett and Warren pointed this out, where certain research needed approval because people didn't take the research seriously without the backing up of someone from in the system. Academia only exists because of a system of capital escalation; we need submissions of work every year to keep our jobs, we need to keep publishing, rather than to put our best foot out there in the eradication of what we perceive as ills of the world. #LifeGoesOn with or without our two cents.

But, indictment of the system is not an indictment on people. Academics are able to find time regardless to help in small ways. Volunteer for their religious groups, community needs, sponsor important changes both local and global. Being in the system means that #LifeGoesOn in a possibly new way for someone else. 'Help me save one more', Desmond Doss once said. We need to embrace this hypocrisy, and not pretend that we are humans, too, ones that are unable to impact everyone with are meticulous though tiny words. It's an effort everyday to not take a long rest. To give up on something like academia. But, sometimes, inspiring one person to change the world is more relevant and important than simply daydreaming about a better world arriving through magic. If you keep trying, maybe someday the small hole that puzzled St Augustine will finally contain the ocean and even the vastness of the oppressively sea will appear to suddenly vanish.   

        #LifeGoesOn