Self-care; A narrative

 For this final blog post of the semester, the focus I want to take is self-care. 

Self-care at its core simply means to take care of oneself. The difficulty of this, however, is that many people do this in a variety of different ways. 

If you ask a person “what is self-care?”, they will respond with their own personal anecdote, silently altering the question to “what is self-care to you?”. This is why it is imperative to have many different perspectives on what it means to enact self-care, so that you can see how many others do it and the impact that it has on them. 

This post is a part of my personal story and journey on how I am using self-care in my life, the importance it has to me, and how a wikihow article about self-care got me to understand practices that I take in my daily life are inhibiting my ability to effectively practice “self-care” onto myself. Or, more precisely, how I have grown to make my own emotions and mental health #Rellevent. 

According to wikihow article “How to Practice Self Care”, they listed out four different methods with each containing particular examples to enact that method- 

1. Practice emotional self-care

2. Practice physical self-care

3. Practice professional self-care

4. Improving your approach to self-care

The part that stuck out to me in this post is Method 4- Improving your approach to self-care- with its four additional steps;

1. Put your own needs first

2. Ask for help when you need it

3. Say “no” and set limits with others

4. Practice time management

At first, I had been inclined to disbelieve this wikihow article’s ability to understand ways that I could improve my approach to self-care, or that it wouldn’t teach me anything new. I was pleasantly surprised to admit that I had not thought of these things particularly as steps to “improve” my ability to take care of myself, even though it seems rather obvious now. 

An additional thing that struck me was that it was very timely in my own life- as a TA, a grad student, a partner, a family member, and a friend. 

Even though I would like to think that I practice these four things daily, I have caught myself slacking. In my mind, it is a fallacy to believe that I can actually enact positive self-care (and it be effective) without actively practicing these things in my daily life. 

Putting my needs first- 

• I think of how this decision would affect OTHERS more than I think about how it affects MYSELF.

• I seem to place my success on the success of others; like a mom, if others succeed, that is enough for me. I don’t have to succeed and feel accomplished if others are able to live that for me.

• I put my job before my health- Even when I fracture my foot, it is hard for me to say “I need to stay home and get better”, because I know I am inconveniencing others by doing that.

• I always feel bad when there is something I want to do/need to do, because of course there are others that need something/want something else more. 

Asking for help when I need it-

• I do ask for help, but sometimes when you are in an environment where everyone seems to know what they are doing, asking for help can feel like a challenge to your legitimacy.

• When I am teaching I feel that if I ever ask for help it makes me look stupid, though I need it sometimes; like when I can’t reach the rope that pulls down the projector screen.

• With my family, I feel that it emphasizes my “youngest-child” nature when I ask for help. Because my siblings always use my dad as a scape-goat for whenever things go wrong, I tend to not ask for help financially 

Saying “no” and setting limits with others

• It is hard to say no when others need help. Especially when the first two things on the list are not happening, I am unable to say no without apologizing or submitting to what was asked of me. 

Practice Time Management

• I am actually very good at this, however, most of my “free time” is spent with others, because I don’t feel like I have anything better to do by myself. 

Everything I just mentioned has room for reflection. Once I am able to overcome these by whatever steps I feel comfortable with, I will be more able to take the steps of self care that I need to feel better mentally, physically, and socially. 

I will put myself first, even if it may mean inconveniencing someone if I need it. 

I will learn how to ask for help if I need it, even if it hurts my legitimacy.

I will become better at saying no WITHOUT apologizing.

I will make time for myself.

My roles as a grad student, teaching assistant, partner, friend, and family member should not impede my growth as a person. Those that understand (or want to in the least) will be able to see that if I have to set up boundaries or take time for myself, that it is not me trying to do so at the expense of others' time and happiness.

 

I will live my life for myself.

This is the foundation that I will use to build my self-care up. 

My experiences are #Rellevent.

My emotions are #Rellevent.

I am #Rellevent.

Disclaimer: This is a personal narrative of mine and it is my hope that anyone who relates to this can more effectively initiate their own self-care routine in their daily life. It is not meant to be a “one-stop-shop” for all self-care tactics and should not be taken as gospel, for it is centered around my experiences. It is up to the individual initiating their self-care routine to find out what works for them, which takes time! I recommend reading more articles/blogs about different ways of enacting self-care to find the ways that suit your lifestyle. Utilize the links below to find those ways. Although this post is not grounded within any particular text from this semester, I believe that any of the scholars which we have read would attest to the importance and impact that utilizing these tips can help lead to effect self-reflection and reflexivity, leading to a better ability for people to tackle the challenges which they note in their works.

https://www.wikihow.com/Practice-Self-Care# 

https://www.positivediscipline.com/articles/self-care-teachers 

https://www.waterford.org/education/teacher-self-care-activities/ 

https://www.mghclaycenter.org/stress/9-self-care-tips-for-teachers/ 

https://www.everydayhealth.com/self-care/ 

https://www.activeminds.org/about-mental-health/self-care/

Pride and Prejudice- Pop-culture parody to engage in critical dialogue

The following excerpt has been taken from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, and was parodied to re-enact a feminist journey. Although the direct words from the book are not used, we can take quotes, phrases, and other excerpts from popular culture to parody and use to critique social systems set in place. 

 Recipe for success:

-For women teachers-

Have you ever wanted to be successful in life? You can be! Just follow these five simple steps!

Appearance: Adherence, Interference, and Perseverance

#Rellevent

Appearance: 

Adherence, Interference, and Perseverance

How do I look today? Am I polished? Do I need makeup? Are my curves too obvious? Do I look like a box?

I’ll be fine.

My partner got complimented today. I thought it was directed towards me, so I said thank you too. He always gets complimented on his “snazzy” shirts. Maybe I didn’t put in enough effort today.

I’ll try again tomorrow.

On average, I spend about an hour every day just on my appearance. 

I am almost never satisfied, even after that.

Are my experiences #Rellevent?

The pressure of looking “polished” and “professional” is not easy for anyone. For women, it can be one of the biggest pressures in the professional world to keep up appearances. 

In the classroom, I have struggled with the pressures of being a student and looking like a teacher each time I have gone to recitation. 

In order to protect my legitimacy, I feel that I need to dress-to-impress each time I am seen on campus. As a student, I crave the ability to dress casually, and I am envious of the relaxed fashion of the students in the crowd before me. Above all else, however, I crave respect and acknowledgment, and in doing so, I increase the distance between the student body and myself- further implementing a power dynamic in the classroom, separating my students and myself. 

Dress-to-impress

Can appearance do THAT much to affect that power stance? If we are trying to balance the power dynamic between the students and the teacher in an inclusive classroom environment, why is the power of how you dress still placed in such a high priority?  

As a woman, it can be that much more important to keep our “face” in public. Especially in academia. We walk a thin line of being considered a “bitch” or a “pushover”. Both lenses can be detrimental to a woman’s public image, particularly in terms of student perspectives. A study in 2017 by Guarino & Borden found that on average, “women faculty perform significantly more service than men, controlling for rank, race/ethnicity, and field or department.” (672). A further study in 2018 by El-Alayli, Hansen-Brown, & Ceynar found that “students… had stronger expectations that a female (versus male) professor would grant their special favor requests.” (136), which increases the likelihood of burn-out by this extra burden laid upon female professors. 

The two of these studies highlight just two ways in which female professors struggle to maintain face in academia, simply because they are women. I emphasize the impact of dress on these narratives. 

If you look the part, you are more likely to be respected and seen as legitimate.

If you do not look the part, who are you to tell me what is important to know? 

Dress-to-digress

What power does dress have over each of us? 

Do we struggle to look the part because we are struggling with an internal fear that we are not enough?

How does the way appearance impact the way we feel?

Do we have to dress a certain way to feel legitimate in an academic space?

Why does dress have power over the power dynamic in the classroom? 

Who gives it that power? 

How can we navigate the lines of dressing as a student vs. dressing as an instructor?

Do these lines allocate rules which we must follow to maintain a sense of legitimacy?

Can we use dress to break down classroom norms and make appearance #Rellevent?

Disclaimer: The information shared/provided for the hashtag #Rellevent, is not intended to be ONLY for women. It is to help break down boundaries which are held in place that many women have to deal with, but this is not strictly ONLY women dealing with these issues. Men, nonbinary individuals, and people of various identities struggle with these issues on a daily basis and I encourage informed experiential-learning across gender lines. It is not only for women to understand and acknowledge why she is #Rellevent. We are all, individually and as a whole, #Rellevent.

Sources:

Guarino, C. & Borden, V. (2017). Faculty service loads and gender: Are women taking care of the academic family? Res High Educ 58, 672–694 (2017). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11162-017-9454-2 

El-Alayli, A., Hansen-Brown, A.A. & Ceynar, M. Dancing Backwards in High Heels: Female Professors Experience More Work Demands and Special Favor Requests, Particularly from Academically Entitled Students. Sex Roles 79, 136–150 (2018). https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-017-0872-6 

Freire, P. (1970/2000). Pedagogy of the oppressed: 30th Anniversary Edition. Continuum.